To Serve and Protect
by akeim
Summary: When Bella's father is shot in the line of duty, she rushes back home to Forks. There she meets Edward Cullen, Charlie's #1 Deputy. Edward remains haunted by the loss of his parents' murder years ago. Can two strangers help each other heal? AH, OOC.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Welcome, and thanks for indulging in my first fic! I'm very new to this FF thing, so be gentle with me. ******

**A huge thank you and Emmett-style bear hug goes out to my kick-ass Beta, larin20…or as I affectionately call her, The Beta Master. Check out her fic, Treading Water. She is one awesome chick and an amazing writer. **

**Also a big shout-out to my dear friend, Kimmy. Thanks for your amazing input and big conversations on a certain actor that I may, or may not be obsessed with. You rock!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns, I just manipulate. 'Nuff said. **

**BPOV**

I have been having the same unusual dream for two weeks straight.

I'm lying in a meadow… a flat stretch of land, circular in shape with beautiful wild flowers surrounding the thick patch of grass. A large Maple tree is miraculously shading me, acting as an umbrella from the constant rainfall. My surroundings instantly remind me of Forks, Washington. My hometown. The constant rain and cloud cover is hauntingly familiar. Why the hell am I in Forks? I haven't been back home in years.

I'm just lying there in the grass, tears streaming down my face.

_What am I crying about?_

I'm watching the scene play out as if I'm an outside observer, intruding on someone's most private moment. I am alone, the ominous silence of the forest surrounding me... until a shadowy figure makes his way through the brush, slow and graceful, almost like a cat. I know it is a man, but I cannot see his face. He kneels down in the grass next to me, and runs his thumb across my cheekbone softly, wiping my tears away. It's the most tender touch I have ever felt. The remnants of his thumb's heat leave paths across my face.

A strong sense of relief washes over me as he pulls me closer to him, until my head is lying on his chest and my hand is on his heart. Upon my touch, his once frantic heartbeat slows to a steady rhythm. He is so calming, which in turn reassures me. He gently whispers a kiss into my hair, and begins to speak.

"_Oh, my Bella. It's ok. I'm here, shh. It's all going to be alright. I'm here."_

His comforting words and angelic voice halt my tears and fill my heart with more love and peace that I've never felt in my waking life. This compels the outside observer version of myself to be utterly confused. I didn't know I was capable of dreaming up a man as wonderful, as perfect as him. But his face…why can't I see it? I'm close enough to breathe in his heavenly scent, to feel the warmth of his body pressed against me, yet his face is a blur.

_Who is this wonderful, faceless man?_

I woke up to my phone ringing, still frazzled by the dream. I shook my head and cleared my thoughts again, focusing my eyesight as I blinked continuously in the darkness.

_Who could it be at this hour?_

I looked at my alarm clock, it was 2:00am. _Shit. _I felt blindly for the phone on my bedside table, finally picking it up by the fourth ring. _This better be good, _I thought sleepily.

"Hello", I whispered hoarsely.

"Um, yes. Is this Isabella Swan?" The voice on the other end of the line was solemn…and somehow familiar.

"It's Bella. And who is this?" I said impatiently, fully awake now, and annoyed at the hour.

"I'm sorry Miss, my name is Deputy Edward Cullen, from the Forks Police Department."

I vaguely remembered Charlie talking about an Edward, he was his right hand man at the police department. He'd hired him right after I had moved to Jacksonville, so I'd never met him.

"Yes, of course. Is everything alright?" I asked, a bad feeling creeping into the pit of my stomach.

"Ms. Swan," he said, a startling sense of grief evident in his voice. "I am so sorry, but I have some bad news."

"What is it, is Charlie ok?" I cried. This could not be good. Every negative feeling started to well in my stomach, as I was terrified of what this man was going to tell me.

"There was an accident. Bella, your father…" His voice trailed off into an uncomfortable silence. "He's been hurt."

**************

_Just like mom. He's going to leave me… just like mom. _

Those words helplessly played over and over in my head as I quickly made the arrangements for my flight, as my tears now uncontrollably streamed down my face. I tried not to think about what I'd walk into when I reached the hospital. I didn't want to expect the worst, but I knew I was lying to myself.

_Fucking hospitals, _I thought angrily.

I had seen enough hospitals to last me a lifetime when Renee was sick. The hospital _smell _alone was enough to make me physically ill. But as much as I loathed hospitals, Charlie needed me. At least my mom had Phil when she was sick, Charlie has no one.

I was then hit with a sudden wave of guilt for leaving Charlie six years ago. I began to think about all the time I'd missed with him. Sure, we talked to each other on the phone religiously, but in essence, he was alone. As I hurriedly packed my suitcase, I wondered if I would get the chance to make it up to him.

My flight from Jacksonville took off at 6:20 this morning. On such short notice, I couldn't get a direct flight, so I had to stop in Atlanta before taking the five and a half-hour flight to Seattle. Time to think is not a good thing when you are rushing to your dying father's bedside. It was all I seemed to do in transit, and I couldn't help but remember the voice on the other line alerting me to my father's accident. Edward Cullen. It jarred my mind that this voice was so familiar, but for the life of me I couldn't place it. I don't think I'd ever talked to him before, but I was sure I'd get to know him soon enough back home.

After sufficiently breaking down on the phone with Edward Cullen, he proceeded to tell me some of the details of what happened. Apparently, Charlie was on a routine disturbance call, when someone came up from behind and shot him point blank, in the head. Edward said that he is in surgery now, and I needed to get there as soon as possible.

Now thinking back on our conversation, it occurred to me that this Edward Cullen was very upset, even as much as I was. But he tried to be strong for my sake, I guessed, because he didn't break down like I did. I wondered to myself if that meant that Charlie was better or worse than I imagined in my head. Still, there was something in Edward's voice…it seemed that he cared for my father very much. I think I could tell his sincerity right off but I still wondered how, or why, he placed my father in such high regard. Knowing Charlie, he probably took Edward under his wing. Knowing that Edward Cullen was with him while I was not stilled my nerves and put me at ease somehow. Maybe Charlie wasn't alone, after all.

After the never-ending drive to Forks from Seattle in the crappy rental car, I finally reached the hospital around three, local time. I was running on adrenaline alone after the flight and long drive to get here. I tried unsuccessfully to accept in my mind that Charlie would be ok as I took the elevator to the ICU. I didn't know what I would find when I walked through those doors. I was petrified.

I felt my body moving in slow motion as I quietly opened the door to Charlie's room. I cautiously made my way to his bedside, the tears falling down in streams from my eyes as I gasped aloud to see his head bandaged with tubes and needles piercing my father's skin. It was the most horrifying sight I had ever witnessed. Charlie was always so strong, yet in this bed he looked so weak, crumpled, and broken.

"Dad?" I whispered, my voice cracking as I reached for his hand. "No, no, no. Daddy, please…"

My legs went numb as I slumped down to the floor by his bed, sobbing uncontrollably now.

Suddenly I heard the rustling sound of someone fast approaching me, and before I knew what was happening, I was being pulled up by a set of a man's strong arms, clutching me to his chest. He smelled clean and strong, like bar soap mixed with faint traces of cologne.

"Oh my, Bella." He cried, gripping me tightly in his arms. "It's ok. I'm here, shh. It's all going to be alright." I told myself I'd be strong for Charlie, but I was failing miserably. "He's the toughest and bravest man I know. He's going to make it. He _has _to make it."

I looked up into the eyes of the man who caught me. His eyes were piercing with a richness I had never seen. They looked upon me, golden brown in color, full of panic and sadness. I tried to speak, but the words failed me. All of a sudden, I felt my breath quicken, my heart pounded in my chest. My head was swimming, the ringing in my ears was deafening. _This is too much to bear, _I thought, as my mind went fuzzy and my body went limp, and then everything faded to black as I felt my body start to fall.

**EPOV**

After working with Charlie for the last six years, I felt like I already knew Isabella Swan. I'd seen countless pictures and heard story after story by her doting father. It always seemed as though I had a kinship with her, like I was part of her life even though we'd never met. Perhaps it was the fact that we had Charlie in common.

After my parents were gone, I had no one, other than Emmett and Alice. But my siblings were so wrapped up in their own grief, I couldn't burden them with mine as well. After their death, I was more determined than ever to find a purpose in my life. To somehow make them proud of me from the grave. Two weeks later, I enrolled in the police academy.

After that, getting the job in Forks led me to meet the most influential man in my life. Charlie Swan. The chief instantly took to me and I to him, and over time he became a sort of father figure. My eagerness to gain his approval was no doubt connected to my wanting to gain my dead parents' approval.

Dr. Phil would have a _field day_ with that.

Charlie was always there, listening quietly if I needed to vent and providing a shoulder to lean on, on my bad days. He was a great man, and a great friend.

_Was. _

The thought of him in the past tense gave me a sudden feeling of emptiness and grief, all too familiar. I had to shake the negative image from my mind before I went insane. When I heard of Charlie's incident, it felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I mean, nothing happens in Forks! Of all the places, all the times to be on duty; I should have been the one to go out on that call. But Charlie insisted with a clever smile, "I haven't seen any action in this town on a long time, Edward. It doesn't sound bad, and I'll be back to the mundane soon enough."

He cracked one last smile before I watched him exit the front door, to his cruiser parked out front.

I don't think he was counting on this. No one could've known what would happen.

Now it is my job to notify the family, his only family. _His Isabella. _ This will be the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, but I've got to be strong for her. This young woman is undoubtedly the most important thing in Charlie's life. _Charlie's baby girl._

She will most definitely be devastated by the news I'm about to share with her. She'll need someone, too. And after the loss of her mother to cancer a few years ago, this will be even harder for her. She shouldn't have to go through this alone.

So, I made a promise to myself that I would look after this girl, because Charlie would want me to. I just hope that I'm strong enough to do this.

I let my head fall back with a heavy sigh as I thought to myself what I was going to say or do. It made me nervous, but really this sort of thing was part of my job. It didn't mean it got any easier, however, no matter who it was. The dreaded phone call was as heart wrenching for me as it was for the family I was informing. But this time the family was closer to my heart than I was used to, and it tore me up inside that I was the responsible party to break the news.

My hands began to tremble as I dialed Isabella's number. I almost hung up on the fourth ring, but then the tired whisper of a female voice answered.

"Hello", she breathed, sounding groggy. My heart was beating out of my chest. _I can't do this, I can't do this, _I kept thinking to myself. My palms were sweaty as I held the phone firm to my ear. I cleared my throat to begin. _I have to do this._

"Um, yes. Is this Isabella Swan?" I asked, knowing it was her on the line, even though I've never heard her voice...but trying to delay the inevitable. This was the worst phone call I ever had to make.

****************

After giving Bella some of the details of Charlie's condition, she informed me that she would be on the next available flight. I bid her a safe trip, and told her I would be here with Charlie when she arrived. She seemed to be grateful that I was here for him. She had no way of knowing that I couldn't be anywhere else. I had to be here for my dearest friend. And by association, I would be here for her, too. I let out an exasperated sigh, sliding back into the chair by Charlie's bed. I was exhausted, but fighting it, thinking I could just wait here quietly until they wheeled Charlie back into the room after surgery.

Of all the fucked up things about this situation, the worst part was the waiting. A wave of worst case scenarios crashed in and out of my mind. How could he possibly survive this? Would he be the same Charlie I'd grown to love and respect? What if he has permanent brain damage because of this? The thought of him being helpless and dependent on others to sustain life was ripping my heart out. Charlie would never want to be a vegetable or a shell of his former self. It just wasn't in his programming. Picturing him like this made me clench my eyes shut to rid my mind of such intrusiveness.

I tried to think positively, as Charlie always advised me to do when I was at my weakest. I found it eerily ironic that the one person I could always lean on in a time like this was down the hall, fighting for his own life. As I drifted off into a restless sleep, my mind wandered to what was in store for me when Bella arrived. I hoped that I could make him proud by doing what he couldn't right now; I was being here for Bella, to bring some comfort to his only child. I'd have plenty of time to drown in my own grief later.

When I opened my weary eyes a while later, I saw that Charlie was lying in the bed next to my chair. I felt my breathing speed up erratically as I rubbed my eyes, letting them focus. He was very still, with his eyes shut and a large bandage around his head. It was tearing my heart apart to see the tubes and needles keeping him stable; this once strong man lay there, so vulnerable.

I got up slowly, needing to stretch my legs for a bit. I decided that now would be a good time to find the doctor, to get as much information as possible about his condition before Bella arrived. A cup of lousy hospital coffee wouldn't be a bad idea, either. While walking down the long corridor to the nurse's station, my mind started to wander.

_He would have a fit over all this, _I thought to myself. I recalled a time at the PD's annual blood drive, where we had to practically pin Charlie down for him to donate his blood. After over an hour of the nurse trying to convince him that he would be fine, he relented. But not before rattling every curse word in the English language. Then he looked to me and said, "You know, I don't know why they need my damned blood! Everybody in the whole goddamned town is here!" I couldn't help but laugh. _Big, bad Chief of Police_…was scared of needles. The guys at the station still gave him a hard time about that.

When I got to the nurse's station, the charge nurse informed me that the doctor was with a patient, but would be in shortly to talk to me. I got a cup of coffee out of the vending machine, and walked back to Charlie's room. I silently wondered how long I'd have to wait for the doctor to arrive. I sluggishly entered the doorway to Charlie's room, and froze.

A girl… a woman was there, sitting on the floor beside Charlie's bed, her head in her hands, crying without restraint. Her dark brown hair surrounded her face like a curtain, her body shaking uncontrollably as she wept. The realization hit me like a tidal wave.

_Bella. _

Without thinking, I ran to the other side of the bed and scooped her up, my hands trembling. I clutched her to my chest, wrapping her in my arms. I felt helpless as I tried to think of something, anything that would console her.

After a few moments, I decided to just stop thinking about it, and be there for her. I whispered words of comfort, praying that it was even slightly helping her. She lifted her head like it weighed a hundred pounds, and looked into my eyes for the first time. What I saw almost took my breath away.

Bella Swan was beautiful, more so than anyone I had ever seen. Her long brown chestnut hair cascaded around her shoulders. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying, but there was no masking their haunted beauty. They were a beautiful chocolate and toffee mixture with hints of gold flecks that seemed to bounce as the light touched them. She wore the most heartbreaking expression on her face as I held her. And although the situation shouldn't warrant this reaction, I was in complete _awe_ of her. She allowed me to see someone so unguarded, so childlike I almost got lost in the emotion she seemed to pour into me.

My need to console her was no longer simply out of obligation to Charlie anymore. I _wanted _to be here. I wanted to see her through this. I wanted to know all about her. How is it that we'd never met before? My heart and mind literally ached with the thought that I went my whole life thus far, and didn't share it with her.

Then, before I could say or do anything else, I felt her breathing speed up erratically, her eyes glazed over. Panic shot through me as I spoke her name. I caught her limp, fragile body in my arms as her body fell limp, and her eyes suddenly rolled back, then closed.

And for the second time that day, I felt my heart being ripped out of my chest.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Finally, chapter two of my little fic. A huge THANK YOU goes out to all of you kind enough to review my first chapter. You guys made my day, seriously. And to those of you who put my story on their alerts and faves, you are awesome!

**Thanks to my good friend and Super Beta, larin20, who made all this freakin' readable. If you haven't read her fic, Treading Water…well, what are you waiting for? It's Treadward, for crying out loud!! =]**

**This chapter goes out to larin20 and Miss Alex, Kimbercullen, Punkfairie, LittleLea05, EmmaleeWrites05, L is a Dreamer, Vamp_sessed and all the rest of the girls at the Official BFFF'ers of Twilight Fanfiction Facebook page. You guys are all so cool and talented, and I have a blast hanging out with you. **

**And one more little shout out goes to my dear friend Robert…no, not Pattinson. Sorry, girls. Thanks Robert, for reading my shit even though you've never even read any of the Twilight Saga (GASP). You are the best. :)**

Oh, and Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. You don't want to know what I'd do with Edward if I owned him.

**On with the story.**

EPOV

There's a certain amount of bravado that has to come with being an officer of the law. You have to be strong, cocky, and authoritative; that's just part of the job. I thought I was the epitome of those things, especially after working as a deputy for the last six years. Charlie taught me well, but the sight of Bella Swan going limp in my arms with her eyes closed and helpless broke me. It's been a long time since I felt panic like this, and I wasn't sure where to put it all. So I did what any red blooded man would do in my situation.

I screamed for help like a little fucking girl.

As the nurses fled into the tiny hospital room, I let Bella down gently on the empty bed beside Charlie. Panic swept over me again as I witnessed the nurses checking her vital signs. Time seemed to stand still as I watched her. _So beautiful, _I thought. Then I cursed myself for even thinking those things at a time like this. I figured that she merely fainted, her body's natural reaction to seeing Charlie in his condition. But that didn't ease the fear I felt as I watched the nurses trying to revive her.

All I had set out to do was be there for Bella. Seeing her lying there- her warm mahogany hair flowing in waves across the pillow and her pale skin glowing in the florescent lights- it became so much more than that. I was drawn to this girl like a magnet. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. It was overwhelming. What does it mean? I couldn't understand it. She's just an ordinary girl, right?

_No, there's nothing ordinary about this girl_…I was sure of that.

I was broken out of my thoughts by the sound of one of the nurses calling Bella's name. I let out a sharp breath as her eyes fluttered softly, then opened as I stood there across the room. Frozen in place, my eyes focused solely on her. It was like tunnel vision and I didn't want to see anything else.

"Wha-what happened?" she asked, rubbing her head. I closed my eyes for a moment, committing her angelic voice to my memory. I would never forget that sound if I lived three hundred years. I would think it would be cliché to say her voice was music to my ears, but listening to her speak sounded like an orchestra was performing just for me.

"You just passed out, honey. How are you feeling?" One of the nurses asked her as she held Bella's wrist, feeling for her pulse.

"I'm fine. Charlie…where's Charlie? Is he okay? Oh my god, he's not…" She trailed off, as I watched the tears start to fall from her eyes. I took a deep breath and crossed the room to the side of her bed. She looked up at me, panic in her eyes. Even now, she was beautiful.

"Bella, he's right here. Let's make sure you're okay, then I'll get the doctor and we'll find out about Charlie, alright?" I whispered.

I tore my eyes away from hers for just a moment to shoot a meaningful glance at the nurse by Bella's bedside. She gave me a swift nod as she and the other nurses left the room silently.

"Mr. Cullen," she whispered, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand. I couldn't find my voice, so I gave her a quick nod. "Thank you, for… for being here. I'm kind of a mess right now."

"Edward. Please, call me Edward. And don't mention it, Bella. Charlie is like a father to me. I wouldn't be anywhere else right now," I said, hoping I was reassuring her. I felt the tears building in my eyes, and it took all my might to swallow them back. She shouldn't see me lose it like this. This is going to be even harder than I thought.

"Are _you_ okay, Edward? This must be hard for you, too. You've worked with my dad for a long time, huh?" she asked, still a little groggy. I looked at her, astounded. With chaos erupting around her, she was worried about how I was doing. _Amazing. _

"I'm fine, please don't worry about me. We should concentrate on you and Charlie." I replied, my voice cracking. I could see right away how selfless this girl was. I didn't want her to think about my well being for a second. "The nurses are going to track down the doctor so we can find out what's going on, okay?"

"Sure," she whispered. There were a few minutes of silence before she spoke again.

"Charlie's not going to be okay, is he?" she asked, pleading with her eyes to give her the answer she needed to hear. The pain in her voice was simply heart wrenching.

I wracked my brain for the words that would help her, that would make this torment go away for her. Nothing I could say would do that. I was so scared to give her hope, on the chance that Charlie wouldn't make it. I reached for her hand, and gave her a little squeeze. I tried to ignore the obvious spark I felt when our hands made contact; I would mull over that one later.

"Let's not jump to any conclusions, Bella. The doctor will be here any minute, and I'll be right here with you." She nodded her head and gently squeezed my hand as I sat on the edge of the bed. Her eyes never left mine until I had to break the stare and look away, just to clear my thoughts.

It was quiet for a few moments before Bella startled me. "Edward?" She asked with apprehension in her voice.

"Mmm?" I answered.

"Distract me, please." Her voice was barely a whisper in the still room.

"Huh?" I asked, dumbfounded. _Distract her? _

"Um, you know…prattle on about something else to keep my mind occupied. I'm thinking too much on the negative and I need to focus on the positive." She looked up at me again and timidly smiled. "I could get to know more about you…if you want. I mean, you and my dad are pretty close. And I don't really know that much about you. I feel bad about that."

And so we began. Bella asked me questions about where I grew up, my family, what I was like in high school. We talked about music, and I found out that we had a common love for classical music. Time seemed to stand still as we talked. I didn't tell her about my parents, and she didn't ask directly, which was good. I didn't want to burden her with my fucked up problems. She didn't need to know that I still had nightmares of that night. She was already so selfless when it came to those around her. The last thing she needed was to worry about me too.

She seemed as though she was genuinely interested in what I had to say, but perhaps like she said, I was just a distraction to her.

I shied away from speaking of Charlie at first. I didn't want to upset her. But then she began asking questions about him, and I figured she felt like she missed a lot of his life by being away for 6 years.

We picked up conversation so well, I could only compare it to talking to an old friend I haven't seen in years.

"…And so there I was, my first day on the job, and Charlie was riding along with me in the cruiser." I began. The memory of that first day was still etched in my mind as clear as day. "We made a routine traffic stop on Spartan Avenue, down by the high school. There were two white males in the car, and they both looked like they could've snapped Charlie and me in half, easy. I mean, these guys were fucking huge!" I quickly looked down at Bella while I had my arms in the air moving all over the place, telling my story. Her eyes widened, and I suddenly realized that I let the f-bomb slip. _Fuck! _"Oh, sorry. They were huge." _Shit! Watch your mouth next time, Cullen! _ I thought, shaking my head.

Bella blushed again, and nodded.

"Charlie could tell I was nervous…my first stop and all. So before we got out of the cruiser he said to me, 'Look son, I know you're a little nervous, but let me give you a piece if advice.' He leaned in closer to me and said, 'Never let 'em see you sweat, kid. If they know you're nervous, they'll eat you alive.' Charlie kind of took me under his wing after that, but soon it became a close friendship. We talked a lot." I took a deep breath. It felt good to talk to Bella like this. It felt like the most natural thing to do. Like breathing.

She then asked me in her tiny little voice, "Did he ever talk about me?" I couldn't help but smile.

"Oh Bella." I chuckled. " He talked about you all the time. I feel like I know you already."

How this wonderful girl would think that her father didn't think about her is, well…beyond me.

"Like what?" She asked curiously. "What did he tell you about me?"

I thought about that for a moment. "Well… he told me you are twenty five years old now. You love to cook. You were a freshman at the University of Washington before you moved to Jacksonville to be with your mom…" I flinched the moment I said those words, hoping I didn't upset her more. She took a deep breath and silently nodded, urging me to go on. "You've loved to read since you were five, and that he knew you would want to be a writer some day. He is very proud of you. He looked forward to your phone calls with him every Sunday. He loved you more than anything, Bella."

The brave face she tried to put on crumbled as I spoke those words. I wanted to take them back, but I knew she needed to hear it. _Now_. She looked down at her feet again, steadily sobbing, her head now in her tiny hands. I took a deep breath and spoke again.

"You know Charlie's not a man of many words," I whispered, " but a blind person could see how much he adored you." I was glad to have the opportunity to say those words to her, in case Charlie…well, in case he couldn't.

The pain in her eyes nearly crippled me as she looked up into my eyes again, silent tears rolling down her face. I lifted my hand to her cheek to brush away the tears with my thumb.

"Thank you, Edward. Thank you for telling me. And thank you for being here for Charlie. I'm so glad he had someone he could talk to." She whispered. It was only until that moment that I realized that her right hand was still in mine. She was softly stroking the top of it with her thumb. It felt heavenly and I could help but think I was doing a good job of comforting her.

"Any time." I replied.

We were interrupted by the creaking sound of the door opening. Our eyes flashed to the doorway to find a man standing there, wearing a suit and a white lab coat. _The doctor, finally. _We both let out a shaky breath, terrified. The doctor's next words would change everything, good or bad. I prayed silently for only good news, but the sympathetic look on his face gave me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Bella, I'm so sorry to keep you waiting. I'm Doctor Roberts. I performed the surgery on your father."

I straightened up and turned my eyes back to Bella, giving her what I hoped was a reassuring smile. I noticed the corners of her mouth tilt slightly upwards. From what I knew about Bella Swan, I'd be willing to bet my next paycheck that she was trying to reassure _me_ with that little smile.

**BPOV**

I am not usually the passing out type. Being the chief's daughter, I've seen and heard a lot of scary real life stories from my dad, all with the intention of scaring me into a life as a law abiding citizen. And it's worked pretty well so far. But I don't think Charlie ever thought his only daughter would have to see him lying in a hospital bed, fighting for his life. It just became too much.

When I finally came to, I was a little confused. It felt like I had been asleep for weeks. I even had the remnants of my dream in the back of my head. I couldn't remember any details, but I knew I had been in my meadow. Then the reality swept over me again, and I realized I was in the hospital, with Charlie. The tubes. The needles. That sickening hospital smell. I didn't know if I was strong enough to deal with another loss.

Being with Renee in the last moments of her life changed me. I wasn't that carefree, happy college kid anymore. It's been two years since she died, and I still see her take her last breath in my mind every time I closed my eyes. And the worst part? Knowing that if this were to happen to Charlie when my mom was still alive, _she_ would be the one I could turn to. I never felt so alone in my entire life.

But I wasn't alone.

The deputy, Edward Cullen was by my side. He reassured me, held my hand, and didn't even flinch when I asked him to distract me by talking about himself. He talked about his life, his siblings, music, and what he was like when he was younger. He made no mention of his parents, and I didn't push him. But there was something in his eyes that held a sadness I've never seen. It went way beyond the hurt that centered on this hospital room. No. Something happened to this man; something terrible. I made a silent promise to myself that when Charlie got better, I'd get to know Edward. I couldn't shake the feeling that he might need someone, too.

As we were talking, and my mind became a little less fuzzy, I finally took a look at the man sitting with me. By all accounts, he was beautiful. If a man can be called beautiful, that is. I'd never seen hair or eyes that color before. His hair was a red and brown mixture, almost copper in the way the light reflected off of it. It went in every direction, and I wondered if he'd been running his fingers through it. His eyes were gold and brown, almost yellow… mesmerizing. As soon as my eyes locked with his, it was damn near impossible to look away. Even though he looked like he hadn't slept, and there were dark purple circles underneath his eyes, he still looked like he could be on a cover of a magazine somewhere. Instead he was stuck policing the small town of Forks, Washington.

When I asked about Charlie, he seemed apprehensive at first. I figured he didn't want to upset me. But I wanted to hear some good memories of my father, instead of the melancholy visions going through my head right now. When he began telling the story of his first call with Charlie at his side, I felt like I was there. He became a little more animated while speaking of him. The admiration he felt for my father reflected in his eyes while he spoke, recalling the memory. He loved my dad very much, I was sure of that. It made me feel more at ease knowing that Charlie wasn't alone all these years, that he had a close friend to turn to. It made me think even more highly of Edward than I had before.

Edward said that he and Charlie talked a lot, and I'd wondered if he ever talked about me.

"Oh Bella." he chuckled. " He talked about you all the time. I feel like I know you already," He mused.

"Like what? What did he tell you about me?" I wondered out loud.

He thought about it for a moment before he began. "Well, he told me you are twenty five years old now. You love to cook. You were a freshman at the University of Washington before you moved to Jacksonville to be with your mom…" He looked at me with a pained look on his face, like he thought he may have said something wrong. The mention of my mother out loud made my heart ache, but I took a deep breath, and nodded for him to continue.

"You've loved to read since you were five, and that he knew you would want to be a writer some day. He is very proud of you. He looked forward to your phone calls with him every Sunday. He loved you more than anything, Bella." Edward said, trailing off into a whisper.

His kind words touched me. I had tried so hard not to cry and be positive since I got here, but everything was screwed up. _I _was so screwed up. I just couldn't hold back anymore. Worry and fear of losing my father were now compounding the ache in my chest I had been carrying for my mother. I lost it. The uncontrollable sobs and whimpers left my body, and I didn't even have the strength to hold back anymore. We sat in silence for a few moments before Edward spoke again.

"You know Charlie's not a man of many words," he whispered reassuringly, " but a blind person could see how much he adored you."

I thought about that for a minute. I know my dad loves me very much, but he has always been a very private person. He's not one to talk about his feelings. As I think back, I realized that every single thing he's done for me, every word he's said, showed his love for me, in his own way.

I lifted my head up slowly to Edward, meeting his eyes again. He took his free hand and softly wiped my tears away, his other hand still gingerly holding mine. The tiny gesture was so sweet, it surprised me. I couldn't help but feel protected and comforted around him. My breathing came a little easier as I calmed down.

"Thank you, Edward. Thank you for telling me. And thank you for being here for Charlie. I'm so glad he had someone he could talk to." I said softly, rubbing the top his hand with my thumb.

He simply replied, "Any time."

Then the door to the room slowly opened, revealing a man in a white lab coat.

Seeing the doctor slowly enter the room made my heart drop into my stomach. I just knew I was going to throw up all over this hospital room. I tried my best to reassure Edward, forcing a little smile, but I'm sure I was failing miserably. He smiled back at me, and I braced myself for what was to come, the beautiful deputy at my side.

**EPOV**

I reluctantly released Bella's hand and stood up from the bed while Dr. Roberts began to explain Charlie's condition to her. I wasn't going anywhere, and I'd be right back by her side in a second if she wanted me, but I wanted to give her space. She gave me a meaningful glance, silently telling me not to go. I moved closer to her side and placed my hand on her shoulder reassuringly.

"Bella, I'm so sorry, I know how hard this must be for you. I've known Charlie for a long time, and I was shocked to see him come in like this," He gestured toward Charlie's bed. Bella nodded her head in silent thanks, and he continued. "I'm going to explain to you everything that happened in surgery, if that's alright." He said. She nodded again, but something in her eyes changed, and I couldn't figure it out. Almost like she was closing herself off, or shutting down. The panic from before began to well up in my chest again as I looked at her.

The doctor continued. "Your father was shot in the back of the head at a very close range," the doctor explained. "He was lucky in that the angle of the bullet entered in such a way that it didn't kill him instantly. We immediately took him into surgery to assess the damage, and repair what we could. Bella, I don't want to sugarcoat this for you, and I'm sorry. So sorry, but even though we've done everything possible…there's still a chance that Charlie won't make it." He finished.

"What does that mean?" I spoke up.

I felt myself getting angrier by the second with this guy. He said he wasn't going to sugarcoat it for her, but he's not giving the bottom line, either. Bella looked at me; the look in her eyes made me gasp out loud. That spark in her eyes wasn't there anymore; she looked at me like…she didn't even know who I was. Without even thinking, I gripped her shoulder tighter, silently begging her to hold on.

The doctor started again. "I don't want to jump to any conclusions, Bella, or tell you that I know what's going to happen. The brain is a very complex organ, and anything is possible. But it's too soon to tell you anything for sure. We'll be running a test that will show how much brain activity is present, and then we'll go from there." Bella was just staring at him, blankly. "He's on a ventilator, and the machines are helping him breathe. The next twenty-four to fort-eight hours will be the most critical."

He stopped and waited, looking at Bella for confirmation that she understood. _Nothing_. She just sat there, staring. I was getting more frantic by the minute. Not only did the doctor give us the awful news about my dear friend, but Bella…wasn't right. She hadn't spoken a word since the doctor came in. I'm losing her. I have to do something.

The doctor stood there, not leaving until he got something out of Bella in way of a response. Still nothing.

"Thank you doctor. Please let us know as soon as you know anything. We're not going anywhere." My voice cracked and tears formed in the corner of my eyes as I spoke up for her. The doctor nodded, and left the room silently.

I instantly turned to Bella, praying like hell that I could get her to just talk to me.

"Bella? Bella, please talk to me." I cried. She looked up at me as I sat back down on the bed next to her, but said nothing.

"Bella, please. You're scaring me… please say something." I said louder, gripping her shoulders and shaking her. "Please…"

The silence filled the room as the tears I'd been so determined not to shed fell down my face. I didn't know what to do; I wanted to scream at her, shake her, and do anything to make her respond to me. I moved closer to her, my tear stained face inches away from hers. Her breath fanned my face as I moved even closer, looking deeply into her eyes, searching. Searching for any sign of the beautiful angel that, though I'd just met, had already changed me.

But the angel I'd met wasn't there anymore. She was gone.

I moved to lie next to her on the bed, pulling her into my arms. I looked at her one last time, begging her silently to say something, anything. She looked at me as if she could see right through me. I gave her a gentle kiss on her forehead before pulling her head to my chest.

I've never felt so damned helpless.

As I held her, I could feel every curve of her tiny body against mine, the heat radiating off of her in waves. Her body was here with me, but her mind was so far away. I didn't know how to fix this, to fix _her_. I closed my eyes and held her close as I whispered in her ear.

"Bella, " I breathed. "Stay here. Stay with me."

**I realize it's been all about the angst so far, but stick with me. There are good times to be had between our Deputyward and Bella, don't worry. I'd love to hear from you, so review and tell me what you think! Click on that green button!! ****=]**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: First of all, I want to thank everyone who reviewed the last two chapters, and put my story on alerts and faves. You are wonderful. Sorry that it's been a while since the last update…life has definitely gotten in the way of getting this story out. But, chapter 4 is already in the works, so it won't be a month before I update again, this time. **

**I want to thank a few people before we get on with the story. First, to the most (excuse my language) fuck awesome Beta a girl could ask for, larin20…thank you so much. Like I said, when I can't find the words, you can. You're awesome for that.**

**To all my BFFF'ers, thank you for being so cool and supportive. It really is a kick ass community that's set up over there on Facebook, so every one of you guys should check it out. Link is on my profile. **

**Thanks to my mom, who still says I shouldn't curse so much in my writing. Sorry, ma. And I hope she loses interest by the time I get to the lemony goodness of this fic. Oh, yeah…and there will be. That could be a little awkward. ;)**

**Stephenie Meyers owns all the characters, I just make them want to kill themselves.**

**On with the story.**

**

* * *

**

**EPOV**

The next three hours were torture.

I kept my eyes closed, and continued to hold Bella in my arms. I would open my eyes every few minutes to see if her demeanor had changed, but it hadn't. The last time I checked, she had her warm face pressed against my chest, eyes closed. She was asleep.

A million different scenarios ran through my mind as I lay with her, holding her tightly. Essentially, she had shut her mind down. She wouldn't respond to me. The terror in her eyes was apparent. Her mind was protecting herself from something, but what? It didn't make any sense. There was still hope that Charlie would make it. We had to believe that. It was like she had already pronounced him dead in her mind. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I've never seen anyone react this way.

What the hell was I supposed to do? If I call the doctors in here, they'll rip her away from me, and that might scare her. And I don't think I could stand to be apart from her at this point anyway, not until I know she's ok. Besides, it's nothing physical, I was sure of it. At least, that's what I thought. But she was so strikingly beautiful, it almost hurt to not look at her, and want her. This wasn't about me though. I kicked myself for actually thinking about anything sexual concerning this fragile beauty and the fact that this was most certainly not the time nor place.

She'd begun to withdraw when the doctor was talking about Charlie. Maybe she was reliving the memories of her mother in her mind. That's one thing I knew with certainty that we had in common. We had both seen a parent die, right in front of us. Even though my situation was much more violent, I knew exactly how she felt.

I'd known that Bella was there when her mother died. Charlie had told me one night while we were working a late shift together down at the station. He said that he didn't think she'd ever get over watching her mother take her final breath. He told me that he never agreed with Bella's decision to move to Jacksonville, but Bella was insistent. She had told him that she'd always felt like the parent and Renee the child, and he assumed that she felt this odd responsibility toward her. It always made Charlie sad that Bella really never had a normal childhood due to her mother's flighty ways.

I remember thinking that I had no idea how close Bella was to Charlie until that moment.

The memory of that conversation with Charlie was etched in my mind, because it was the first time I'd ever seen the man cry. The love he had for Bella radiated around him like a bright light; you could see it through the gleam in his dark brown eyes as he spoke of her. When he realized he couldn't be there to help her, he lost it. He cried, tears unabashedly running down his face. I did the only thing I could at the time for him. I consoled him, much like I was doing now for Bella. The feelings albeit much stronger now. I still couldn't explain it why I felt so obligated to this woman. I was so connected already and it was the first time I'd met her. Seeing her quiver in my arms didn't help deter the raw feelings that I spent so long trying to repress. Charlie's grief was different, though.

Seeing Charlie unravel like that was upsetting, to put it mildly. I listened and provided that proverbial shoulder to cry on. When he had finished, we did the manliest thing we could think of to validate ourselves, since by the end of it I was sobbing, too. We sat back in the hard wooden chairs at the station and watched the Mariner's game on TV, waiting for dispatch to notify us of the next call. If we weren't on duty, we'd be sitting on Charlie's old couch watching it on the flat screen with beers in hand. It came to be a ritual for us early on. Emmett would join us every now and then, but mostly it was Charlie and I.

Thinking back to that day, I remember not knowing what to say to Charlie at his most vulnerable point. He had always been there for me in my grief about my parents. He was the only one I ever told about the debilitating nightmares that haunted me at night. It was oddly comforting to share those things with Charlie, because he rarely showed his emotions. But he always had a comforting presence about him. That's part of the reason why, when the Brown's put their house up for sale, I bought it. It was conveniently next door to Charlie and I didn't hesitate at my decision, either. I wasn't worried about the money of what kind of work I had to put into the house. My parents afforded me with enough money through my inheritance.

Carlisle, my father, was a cardio-thoracic surgeon in Seattle, and my mother Esme had a highly lucrative business as a wedding planner. They had left the three of us, Emmett Alice and I, more than enough money to ensure that we'd be taken care of if something happened to them.

God, how I missed them. It never seems to get easier, like everyone said it would. Every year the hole in my heart would seemingly grow, and nighttime would make it infinitely worse. I would close my eyes at night, and see their faces as if I was looking at a photo album. Slide after slide of endless snapshots of the two of them would appear in my mind's eye as I'd drift to sleep. In each photo they would look at each other as if there were no one else on the planet. I've yet to see two people that loved each other as much.

Then slowly the flashes of my loving parents would transcend into the horrifying images of the last time I saw them. The once strong form of my father, slumped over in the driver's seat of his black Mercedes; one arm wrapped around my mother's tiny frame protectively, and the other reaching toward me in the back seat. My mother embraced my dad as if she were sleeping. She didn't even have time to react. _The blood._ The bright red blood of my loving, devoted mother and father, splattered throughout the light tan interior like a fucking horror flick.

Each night, I would jump out of the nightmare covered in sweat. The images burned in my mind. The nightmares still came to me almost every night, even after ten years. I'd given up on believing I would ever get a peaceful night's sleep again. I'd learned to accept that the bad dreams owned me. I never even told anyone about the dreams, except for Charlie. Emmett and Alice would never understand.

_They weren't there._

When I accepted the job here in Forks, Alice and Emmett willingly came with me, for which I was grateful. We bought a modest home on the outskirts of town, where we could all stay together. Though it may have been understood that we'd always remain together, after being in Forks for about three years, things began to change. Alice had met Jasper a few years ago through a mutual friend, and they had been pretty much inseparable since.

To hear her tell it, their meeting was straight out of some crappy ass romance novel. Love at first sight, and all that. I never believed in all that shit, but I was genuinely happy for her. I mean, you didn't have to be in the same room with the two of them for very long to see how in love they were. It only rivaled the love our parents had shared when they were alive. I was happy for her, really. Part of me was strangely envious. I didn't see anything like that ever happening to me. I'd been with my share of women, but it had never been more than a means to an end, a momentary itch that needed scratching. Women were a release; not anything more than that. And after mom and dad died, I pretty much lost all interest in that shit altogether. I just wanted to be alone. But seeing Jasper and Alice and the love they shared made me feel even lonelier at times, if that were possible.

So I saw my moving out it as an opportunity to start over; to be close to my siblings, but have my own space to breathe and be alone. Alice would be married next year and move on to start her family. Emmett would eventually want to settle down as well. They certainly didn't need their whacked out brother invading their space anymore. I would still be close to look after them, but they needed to move on with their lives, finally.

I admit that part of me thought the nightmares would end when I moved out. But they never did. The same terror visits me every night as it did when I was fifteen. I got a small reprieve every now and then, with whatever blonde happened to share my bed for a few hours.

My mind wandered again to the sleeping girl next to me. Definitely not like any woman I have laid next to, I thought. She was more real to me now than any other woman I had met. She didn't need to impress me with charm and charisma, she just was. I never felt so harpooned with desire to protect someone so much. The more I thought about Bella, the more my heart ached for her. She didn't deserve this. I wondered if I would ever see this girl smile, to see actual joy in her eyes when I looked into them. Well, that was assuming a lot. Assuming that I would be in her life, in any capacity.

Did _I_ want to be in her life?

I'm not naïve. I know nothing about this girl. What her favorite color is, what books she likes to read, if she likes Italian food? Any of the silly mundane things people learn about each other in the beginning. More importantly, I didn't know for sure if she felt the connection, the pull towards me that I do her. And what the fuck is that about, anyway? Granted, I'd had sexual relationships with my fair share of women in the past, but I've never even harbored the thought of having any kind of real connection to any of them. I've never felt anything like this before for anyone, especially someone I'd just met. It excited, and scared the hell out of me at the same time.

Then, as I looked down to watch Bella as she slept, I began to realize something. I was way too involved. This would only serve to bite me in the ass in the end. As much as I cherished my closeness with Charlie, I suddenly, and briefly, wished I'd never met him either…so that I wouldn't have to survive another loss if he died.

The cold hard fact was that I was becoming too invested in his daughter. Though the odds were that she would live a long life, unlike my parents, she would surely leave just the same. I couldn't find one good reason for her to form any kind of connection to me. I was messed up. _Broken._ The nightmares of my parents' tragic end would no doubt haunt me for the rest of my life. There was no escaping that fact. Bella deserved someone whole, who was free of demons and ghosts. Someone who could give her the things in life that I couldn't. I couldn't be the things Charlie would want for his daughter. My idiotic fantasies about chocolate eyes and porcelain skin and a soul that was so pure and gentle would be only marred by my presence in her life. Though I had just met her, and didn't understand the pull I had toward her, I could see myself falling for this girl if I didn't stop it now.

I was at a loss. I didn't want anything to happen to Bella, but I knew if I didn't start detaching myself from this situation, it would only end in disaster. I finally realized that I couldn't do this alone.

I knew what I had to do.

I pulled out my cell phone from my pants pocket carefully, so as not to wake Bella. I scrolled down my list of contacts and hit the send button. It only took one ring.

"Edward? Are you okay?" the tiny frantic voice answered.

"Alice…I need your help."

**BPOV**

Darkness.

You can feel it begin to creep into your mind, like a slow poison traveling through your veins. You're unable to stop it from happening, yet you're completely aware as it takes over. It starts at your limbs, makes its way through your body slowly, until you have no control anymore.

It began the moment the doctor stepped into the room to tell Edward and I of my father's condition. I could feel it coming- the slow, agonizing darkness that kept me from speaking. I can vaguely recall the conversation; my mind already losing itself to the darkness. The depths of which I felt like I had no control of how far it would pull me into.

Then I could feel the strong arms around me as I drifted further, Edward's calming presence surrounding me like a warm blanket. But I still couldn't find the words to calm the panic in his voice as it drifted farther away. I was helpless.

I finally found the strength to close my eyes, and drifted further into the frightening darkness. The quiet whisper of a velvety voice was the last thing I remember before I surrendered. It was his voice I clung to, before I let myself drown into blackness. His voice was what I was hoping would be my life preserver. I only wished I knew if I was right or wrong.

_Stay here. Stay with me._

_

* * *

_

It was an unusually sunny day in my meadow, as the white clouds traveled quickly across the sky. The wind flowed gently through my hair, sending chills down my spine.

I was in my usual spot, underneath the Maple tree where I last saw my faceless man. The mesmerizing angel that held me as I cried, whispering words of peace and comfort as he held me. Except I was alone this time, and though I could feel the ominous presence of the darkness nearby, I lay under my tree, content for the moment.

I looked down to find myself reading my tattered version of Romeo and Juliet. Turning to the page where I found my favorite lines of the tragic play, I got lost in the words like I have done so many times before.

_For thou wilt lie upon the wings of night_

_Whiter than new snow on a raven's back._

_Come, gentle night, come, loving, black-brow'd night,_

_Give me my Romeo; and, when I shall die,_

_Take him and cut him out in little stars,_

_And he will make the face of heaven so fine_

_That all the world will be in love with night_

_And pay no worship to the garish sun._

I was so entranced in the tragedy that I almost didn't hear the footsteps approaching. My head spun around to look behind me, and I felt it. The strangest current of electricity flowed through me as my eyes searched for the visitor in my dream, but seeing nothing.

But I felt it. Felt _him._

My faceless man emerged from the brush, gliding gracefully to where I sat perched underneath my tree. Hoping I would finally _see_ him, I looked up expectant.

The strong familiar arms of my protector reached out for me as I dared to look at his face.

All I saw was a blur of color. The realization that I still couldn't see his face confused me.

I could make out the strong outline of his jaw, the broadness of his shoulders as he extended a hand toward me, willing me to stand. But when I looked to where his eyes should be…nothing but blurs of color. I joined my hand with his, feeling the instant spark and rush associated with merely touching him. I sighed a breath of relief that I felt the instant comfort I so longed for. It made me feel whole again and unbroken.

I was no longer alone.

"_Bella."_

His velvety voice surrounded me, comforting me, until I crushed my body into his desperately. I held onto him as my life depended on his touch. My hands and fingers held so tight onto his shirt; I could make out the wrinkles I left in their wake. _I wasn't letting go._ He touched me delicately with an angel's care. His soft hands caressed the outline of my jaw, and if I could see his face, I would know that he was looking straight into my eyes.

_What I wouldn't give to see his face._

The same blurred mystical face that now slowly inched closer to mine. His warm breath fanned my face, making me dizzy with anticipation. My breathing ragged and my heart pounded out of my chest, because my body had this reaction to him. It was uncontrollable and I was a slave to the feeling. I closed my eyes, as I felt his warm lips softly press against mine. _Heaven._

Our lips moved together, slowly and languidly caressing each other. I felt the familiar tingle in the pit of my stomach as I effortlessly danced my lips in time with his. His tongue lined my lower lip as he traced the curves of my mouth. He sighed as his lips parted and I tasted my angel for the first time.

It was beyond anything I'd ever experienced before. He tasted heavenly, like cinnamon and sugar and man. I pulled our bodies even closer together. We continued this way for what seemed like forever. When our lips reluctantly parted, my entire body ached. I still couldn't see his face, but at the moment I couldn't bring myself to care. He took a deep breath and pulled away, sweeping a stray lock of my hair behind my ear. It was such an intimate gesture, and no one had ever been this…_loving_…with me before.

It was perfect.

I continued to stare into the blur of colors that would be his face. I silently willed the picture to clear up so that I could finally see him. It never did.

But I stared anyway, breathless and desperate.

Then he wrapped his strong arms around me, while whispering to me softly.

"_Bella."_

His thumbs slowly grazed the side of my face and I felt my head lean into his touch. I simply nodded in response. I was still reeling from the best kiss I'd ever experienced, and I didn't want to take the chance of muttering something ridiculous. I always seemed to do that in situations like this.

"_It's time, sweetheart. I have to go now."_

The mere thought of him leaving me sent a wave of panic through my body that I couldn't contain. Why? Why is he leaving me now? Panic started to set in, and I couldn't control the faint shuddering of my shoulders that I tried helplessly to suppress.

"_Don't go,"_ I said, my voice shaky. _"Don't leave me here. Please." _

I started breathing erratically now, as I grabbed hold of his strong arms and held tightly. I felt a tear slide down my face as I heard him take a deep breath again.

"_I _have_ to go, Bella. You need to do this. There's no other way. But I will always be close behind, if you need me. Always." _

With those words, he gingerly took the sides of my face, cradling my soft cheeks, and led me into his warm lips again. I closed my eyes to savor the feeling of his presence around me, this man I didn't know, but felt so real within the confines of this dream. He pulled away from me softly, and I opened my eyes.

He was gone.

Not only had he truly left me here, but I also realized that I wasn't even in my meadow anymore.

Panic set in further as I wondered where my faceless man was, why he left me…and where am I now?

As I took in my surroundings, I realized that I was in a very familiar place. It was First Beach, at La Push. My dad used to bring me here all the time when I was a kid. The memories Charlie and I made here took over, the familiar scent of the beach invaded my senses as I walked. There are so many memories of my childhood here. Fishing, playing in the sand, the bonfires at the Blacks' house. Charlie's best friend Billy Black lived here on the reservation, and Charlie and I spent a lot of time here after Renee left. I think he tried to give me as normal of a childhood as possible after she left us. I would always be grateful for that.

I slowly walked along the sandy beach, reliving all the happy memories of my childhood, and wondering what my faceless angel was talking about. What was it time for? What did I have to do?

Then a dark figure appeared from across the shoreline. It was too dark to make out who it was. As I inched closer, it dawned on me what my angel meant by what he told me. Not only did I realize what I was here for, but I remembered what was waiting for me whenever I did wake up from this surreal fantasy. It was all becoming very clear in my mind what I was here to do.

It was time to say goodbye to my father.

The figure made its way to where I stood. Before I knew what was happening, the beach transformed itself into a large playground. It wasn't just any playground, but one of my favorite places from my childhood. The familiar surroundings of the playground across the street from our house filled my ears and eyes with vivid pictures. I sat a picnic table feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. I remember thinking that I'd never had a dream this surreal before.

Charlie walked up looking dignified, dressed in his old police uniform. His hair looked a bit messy, like he had been running his hands through it all day. The tears ran down my face steadily down to my lap as I sat there, staring at my father. He sat on the bench next to me. I was frozen in my spot on the bench not knowing what to do. My mouth hung open but no words wanted to make their way past my lips. For every reason I could think of- I wanted to prolong this conversation. Charlie, being Charlie, noticed and just smirked knowing he had to be just as strong for me and for us.

"_Hiya, kid."_ He said stoically, brushing his hand across my cheek.

I leaped into my father, my arms wrapping tightly around his neck. He wrapped his arms around my waist, enveloping me in his embrace. It felt like home and it felt safe as I sat on his lap, like many times before in my childhood. I hugged my forehead into his shoulder, letting my tears wet his shirt.

I cried for what seemed like an eternity, huddled on Charlie's lap. He rubbed my back and whispered, _"Shh. It's alright"_ and a _"It's going to be okay, Bells"_ every now and then. But that was Charlie. He always knew what to do to make me feel better. He was always there. Even when I practically abandoned him for mom years ago, he was still there when I needed him.

What was I going to do when he's gone?

He pulled me away from his embrace gently, placing his hands on my shoulders as he started to speak.

"_Bells, I think you know why I showed up here, don't you honey?"_ he asked, his strong masculine voice filling my senses with memories of us, making me dizzy.

I sat there for a moment before finally choking out, _"I don't want you to go, daddy. I don't want to say goodbye."_

He grabbed my arms and twisted my exhausted body so that I was facing him. I tried to memorize everything about him, since it may be the last time I ever saw him like this. Every line on his face, the subtle tinge of salt and pepper of his hair, and the way his mustache would twist into that smile that he only let me see. To me, he still looked like the dad I knew and worshiped when I was a kid. I would never forget every single part of him, because most of it he had passed on to me. We were so alike in so many ways.

"_Hey,"_ he said, tears forming in his wide brown eyes. _"I don't want to say goodbye either, kid. But I don't have to tell you that sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to."_

I nodded, still crying as he continued_. "But there are some things I want to say before I go. Okay?"_ he asked softly.

"_Okay, Daddy,"_ I sniffled. I wasn't sure what my dad would say to me. He's never been one for long speeches or drawn out lectures. Everything was short, and to the point with Charlie. The Chief of Police had no time for dilly-dallying.

Even so, he was always there to lend his advice. Even when we were apart, when I was taking care of mom, he was there for me. He was the only one that was truly there, for me. I'll never forget that. _Ever._

"_Bella, I know you might not want to think this way now, but someday you're going to be okay from this,"_ he said as the tears welled in his eyes.

"_And I'm sorry that this had to happen. I'm sorry that you'll be alone now. I'm sorry that I'm going to miss so much," he cried. "But I want you to be okay, Bells. I want you to live your life doing what you always wanted to do. I want you to write that novel you've been too afraid to start. I want you to go back to college, and graduate. I want you to live the life you should have lived, before your mom got sick. And most of all, I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone that will be there for you and love you. Someone that will take care of you, that will protect you." _He winked. "_He's closer than you think, Isabella. Remember that."_ Charlie smiled, with a reassuring squeeze of his arm around my waist.

I stared at him with wide tear filled eyes. I wanted to say so much to him at that moment. I wanted to thank him for everything he'd done for me; for being there when I needed him most and for loving me. I wanted to tell him that he is a great man and wonderful father. I wanted to say it all but I couldn't speak. I feared that every word I spoke would take away another moment with him. I would stay silent forever if it prevented it.

"_And I want you to grow old, get married, have my grandkids. Have a happy life. And think about your old dad every once in a while. You think you could do all that for me, kid?"_ he asked. I snuggled into his chest closer.

"_I will, daddy,"_ I cried. I don't know how I'll live up to all those promises, but I would make him proud of me. _"I promise."_

"_I love you so much, Bella. Don't ever forget that,"_ he whispered in my ear as I held on tighter.

"_I love you too, daddy. Always,"_ I managed to choke out. He pulled me from his embrace reluctantly, and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes to remember his scent, rustic and woody, with a slight hint of cigar smoke. The smell that would always remind me of home.

And this time, when I slowly opened my eyes…my father was gone. I was left alone and cold, without his warm arms wrapped around me. The safety was gone. I felt so vulnerable.

The wave of grief slammed into me as I fell to the ground, emitting guttural sobs and screams that echoed in the space around me. I had to be crying for hours balled up on the ground, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I already knew who it was. His touch was light and comforting and I felt warm as his fingers traced along my back.

_My Angel._

I stood up and crashed myself into his arms again, the weight of this pain crippling me. I cried and cried on my angel's shoulder as he consoled me. Every now and then I'd vaguely feel his warm breath in my hair as he kissed the top of my head. I was overcome with grief about my father, but I was almost as relieved that I wasn't alone now.

Then my angel gently lifted my head to face him, while grazing my cheeks lightly with the pad of his thumbs.

"_Oh, my Bella. I'm so sorry," _he whispered. Everything was happening so fast, I almost didn't recognize the scenery change again. I tore my weary eyes from the blur in front of me to find us surrounded by white walls. The sterile hospital smell gave away the location instantly. I was back in Charlie's hospital room.

What? Why am I here now?

I knew that this had to be an out of body experience, because what I saw now could only be described in a dream. Charlie was laying motionless in his bed-the constant beeps of his life support prodded and protruded through the quiet solitude of the room. I smiled to myself thinking that he looked so peaceful. On the bed next to him, a man and woman lay next to each other. The man protectively held the woman tightly in his arms. My head started to spin as I realized that the woman was me, and the man was Charlie's closest friend, Edward. He was the deputy that hasn't left my side since I got to the hospital.

I turned to my faceless angel with what I was sure was a puzzled expression. Why am I seeing this? Then he turned to me and said, _"It's time to wake up now, sweetheart. You know what you have to do now. You'll be strong for me, won't you love?"_ he asked. I nodded my head in reply, my mind still reeling from the most intense, surreal dream of my life.

My angel's last words to me were still ringing in my ears as I began to stir.

"_Remember, love. I'll always be close by. Always."_

The peeps of the life support faded into the background until I heard them no more.

* * *

My eyes fluttered open slowly. The room was completely silent. No monitors, no TV, no conversation. I took a deep breath, and I knew Edward would know then that I was awake. He jumped a little, startled by my movement. He quickly grabbed me by the shoulders to face him, and met my eyes. And that's when I saw it.

The most heart breaking sadness crept across Edward's face, so painful that it almost hurt to look at him. I could only blink a few times, not finding my voice yet. He seemed so scared, so lost. That anguish in his eyes was recognizable.

Then I noticed a woman standing next to the bed, her short spiky black hair all over the place, a sad and worried expression plaguing her features. I didn't know who this woman was, but I instantly felt for her. She looked so distraught.

Bringing my attention back to Edward, he took a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak.

"Bella, are you alright?" he asked. I slowly nodded my head, but that only seemed to make Edward more distraught.

"Bella, please. I need you to say something to me. Anything…I just need to hear your voice. Can you do that for me?"

My throat was dry from sleeping, but I tried to clear my throat to speak to him.

"I-I'm okay," I said, my voice strained.

"Thank God," he whispered, almost too low for me to hear. He pulled me to him quickly, his arms wrapping tightly around me once again. A few minutes passed before I heard Edward's soft voice in my ear.

"Bella?" he whispered. I didn't respond.

I knew what he was going to say.

"Bella, something's happened…" His head lowered and Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh, god. I don't even know where to start," he cried.

"I'm so very sorry, Bella. Charlie, he…" his voice trailed off again as he began to cry softly. It was almost unendurable to hear him break this way.

"Shh, Edward," I said, gripping him tighter to me as he wept. "I know," I said softly. "I know…he's gone."

I reluctantly turned my head in the direction of the bed where I last saw my father, hooked up to machines and fighting for his life.

The bed was empty.

* * *

**I love hearing from you guys, so please review…tell me what you think! I will reply back to you. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A BIG thank you to all you guys that have read, reviewed, pimped out, and basically showed this fic some love! Sorry for the major delay, but all I can say for myself is that RL always gets in the way when I want to write the angsty stuff. :)**

**A couple of public service announcements before we get started:**

**-As always, much love to my Beta-goddess, larin20. She had a very busy week this week, and still took the time to fix my shizz. READ TREADING WATER. Seriously. You don't even have to read mine. No wait, you can read mine first. But then, go…read hers. I'll shut up now. :)**

**-A big thank you to AgoodWITCH, who was gracious enough to add my fic to her community, called We All Have "Issues", Don't We? There are some great stories in that community and I highly recommend that you check them out. Link is on my profile.**

**-Also a special shout out to gagator, who was seriously worried that I gave up on this thing. I hope 8000+ words put you at ease. ****:) **

**-And if you haven't checked out larin20 & Miss Alex's page on Facebook, The Official BFFF'ers of Twilight Fanfiction… well then, what's the holdup? We have a blast over there, and the talent of the writers over there will knock your socks off! That link would also be on my profile.**

**-And last, but not least, a special thanks to my BFFF'er Kimmy, who gave me a shout out on her last update, so I had to return the favor. READ FALLEN ANGELS, people. You'll love it. That link? Well, I do believe it's on my profile. :) **

**As always, Stephenie Meyers owns the characters. I just put 'em through hell.**

**And now on with 8000+ words of Edward's point of view! (He wouldn't shut up)

* * *

**

**EPOV**

A funny thing always happened when my sister entered a room; a calming presence that wasn't there before suddenly reverberated over everyone instantaneously. Like magic, all worries were lifted and every cloud had a silver lining. She had the power to influence your mood just by walking into the room. I never understood how she made it happen. She said she got that from Jasper but I know for a fact that she's done it her whole life. Jasper be damned, she had a gift. That's one of the reasons why I called her down here. And, well… it was kind of her job.

Alice went through the same bullshit that I did when mom and dad died. The grief counseling, the therapists, the guidance counselors at school constantly asking how we were "holding up". How the fuck did they think we were holding up? It's not like our parents went on a fucking Hawaiian vacation or something. They were gunned down and left for dead.

Alice decided very early on that she wanted to help people deal with their grief in a way that she hadn't been able to. She now works as a licensed therapist and grief counselor at the mental health center here in Forks. Even through everything that happened with mom and dad, Alice still chose to deal with grief on a daily basis at her job. She always said that our experience helped her gain knowledge about grief that couldn't be found in any textbook, and helping others seemed to help her, too. I couldn't help but admire her for that.

I was lost in my dreary thoughts. The only sounds from the room were our breathing, and the steady beeping that was Charlie's heart monitor, when Alice entered the room. When I had called Alice and Emmett to let them know of Charlie's shooting, they were devastated, to say the least. They always held Charlie in such high regard, much as the same as myself. I tried to be as calm and supportive as possible, but I was kind of losing it myself.

Alice cautiously crossed the room to the bed where I lay with Bella in my arms, still asleep.

"Edward…. is that…Charlie's daughter? Is she okay?" she asked, putting a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at her. She had clearly been crying on the way over here.

"Yeah, it's Bella," I whispered.

"Something else is wrong. What is it, Edward?" she asked.

"Alice," I whispered, as I reluctantly slid Bella out of my arms and laid her head on the pillow. I got up and walked over to the corner of the room, where we could talk and not wake Bella. "I don't know what to do. She was lying here listening to the doctor explain about Charlie, and just…she just froze, Alice. It's like she wasn't even here. She wouldn't answer me. I couldn't get through to her. I can't help her…I'm not the one that should be here for her. I'm not strong enough to do this. I'm so fucked up. Please, Al. Tell me what to do," I pleaded.

"Edward," she said, reaching for my hand. She always knew what to say to make things better and I hoped to god she was on top of her game now. I still didn't understand why my siblings thought I was the strong one. "It's going to be okay. Bella's been through a lot in the past couple days, and her mind just needs time to adjust," she said. "And you _can_ help her Edward. Maybe you can help each other." Alice patted my hand confidently. She had this all-knowing expression on her face, like she was hiding something. I pursed my lips because I knew she was up to something.

"Alice," I said cautiously. "What is it? You got the look on your face."

When we were kids, Alice would get that same look on her face when she had a strong feeling something was about to happen. She had premonitions- or what she liked to call, good guesses. The first time we knew that Alice had this gift was in sixth grade. Lauren Mallory got hit with volleyball in gym class, which broke her nose. That same day before school, Alice got "the look". Her eyes glazed over and she stood still for a full five minutes before shaking her head saying, "Poor Lauren. It's going to hurt pretty badly. She should have ducked. Oh well, serves her right. She stole my fruit roll-up yesterday at lunch." She shrugged her shoulders and went outside to wait for the bus. Emmett and I looked at her like she was insane and laughed it off. We went about our business until later that day, when news got out that Lauren broke her nose. Alice turned out to be right! We pretty much didn't bet against her after that.

Alice smiled timidly at me, squeezing my hand. "I just have a feeling, that's all. Things may be hard now, but they'll work out. You'll see."

I knew there was something she wasn't telling me, but I didn't push her on it. I really wasn't in the mood at the moment.

We stood in silence looking over at Charlie and Bella. I mostly looked at Bella. I simply couldn't take my eyes off of her. When I did look away, it just felt wrong. Alice must have noticed, because when I finally tore my eyes off of Bella and back to Alice, she was giving me "the look" again. I rolled my eyes.

"What?" I said to her, slightly annoyed.

She stepped closer to me and smiled. "You have feelings for her, don't you?" she asked.

_Shit._

"That's ridiculous. I've only known the girl for like two days, Al. I have no fucking idea what you're talking about," I argued.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, don't you try and pull that shit with me. A blind person can see how you're looking at her right now. It's okay to admit it. You have feelings for Bella."

_Damn it all to hell._ I wasn't even sure why I felt this way so fast. It was just something I had no control over. Plus, Alice could see through me like a plate glass window. I figured it would be so much easier to just confess, rather than her stalk my every fucking move from now until the end of time. I took a deep breath and began bearing my tortured ass soul.

"Fine. She's amazing, Alice. Really fucking amazing." I lowered my head and inspected the dirty floor tiles, embarrassed about everything I was about to confess to her. This was so out of character for me. I was completely out of my comfort zone.

"I don't know how to explain it, but I just feel drawn to her. I've never met anyone like her in my entire life. I don't even know that much about her. Part of me wants to know everything about her, but there's a rational part of me that says to back the hell off. I can't hurt her, Al. I won't hurt her… I'd rather leave her alone than cause her any more pain. She's been through too much already. Besides, this is all new to me and I have no idea what I'm doing. I feel like the blind leading the blind. She deserves far better then me. I'm just a fucking asshole with nothing to offer her."

She smiled at me sympathetically, and then proceeded to smack me in the arm.

Hard.

"Ouch! Damn it, Alice!"

"Edward, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! Why would you automatically assume that you will hurt her?"

"Because, I'm-"

Alice interrupted waving her hand in front of her face, "That's ridiculous. Why are you so afraid? You've spent your whole adult life wandering from woman to woman… man-whoring it up with shame, I might add."

"What's your point?"

"Have you ever found anything meaningful? Have you ever felt anything more then just a one-night stand with a woman? Look at you now, you're practically drooling over Bella, and you just met her. That says a lot to me. When is the next time you could have a chance at an honest, decent relationship? Bella is not a dime a dozen, dear brother. I can tell already that she's special. Don't sabotage it before even giving it a chance."

"Alice," I said, getting irritated, "you're assuming that she feels the same way about me too. We barely know each other. _You_ haven't even met her yet, for Christ's sake. Besides, it's better this way. End. Of. Discussion."

"Fine. Have it your way. For now." she growled. If I weren't her twin brother, I might have been a little intimidated.

Another half-hour had passed; I had sat back on the bed with Bella. Absentmindedly, I ran my fingers through her silky brown hair. Alice sat silently in the chair beside the bed, watching me with a smug smile. I rolled my eyes at her and continued being pathetically mesmerized by the girl in my arms. Bella stirred a little - even smiled at one point - but she never woke up. I had already memorized every detail of her face; from her long eyelashes that fluttered against her cheek, the tense creases of her brow and the constellation of freckles that tracked across her nose. Her lips are what really drew me in. They looked so soft and warm. I had to fight back the urge to run my thumb across them.

_Shit, I was screwed._

I was so distracted by Bella that I was not in any way prepared for what happened next.

The loud long beep coming from Charlie's monitor made me jump out of the bed in a panicked. I looked to Alice. She looked terrified.

His heart was giving out.

I ran to the door and yelled for someone to help but they were already making their way to the room. The sympathetic look on their faces didn't match the urgency of the situation. They slowly walked over to Charlie's bedside. They just stood there. No paddles, no CPR.

Nothing.

I felt my blood beginning to boil, my shoulders tensing up.

I lost it.

"What the fuck are you doing? What's happening to Charlie? Do something, goddamnit! Don't just fucking stand there!" I screamed.

The nurses and doctor looked to me with sad eyes. I couldn't understand it. Why where they doing this? Where they just going to let him lay there and fucking die?

The doctor walked over to me, grabbing my arm. "Edward," he said, turning me away from Charlie. "Let's step outside so we can talk. Would that be okay?"

This guy was really pissing me off now.

"What? No!"

"Edward, please. Let's not make a scene."

"Why don't you take that fucking medical degree you obviously got out of a fucking Cracker Jack box and do something to save him!" I growled. I was so close to ripping the fucker's head off, until Alice stepped in-between us.

"Edward, let's go outside and talk to the doctor, okay? Just for a minute," she said calmly.

Was everyone in this hospital losing their fucking minds?

We walked out into the hallway and I spun around to face the doctor. He turned to me and sighed.

"Edward, if it weren't for Charlie listing you as one of his emergency contacts, I wouldn't even be able to discuss his condition with you. So I need you to calm down so I can explain to you what's going on. Alright?" he asked. I didn't trust myself to speak, so I firmly nodded my head.

"Now, Charlie suffered a lot of damage from the gun shot wound, and as you know, we tried to go in and repair what we could. There was a lot of swelling. But I had hoped that we would have some good news after the latest CT. Unfortunately, the news wasn't good," he finished.

I stood frozen, the bile rising up in my throat. It all made sense now. I knew what he was going to say next.

"Edward…the results of Charlie's CT showed no brain activity. I am so sorry," he whispered. "We discussed this with Bella when she first arrived, before she went in to see her father. Edward, Bella signed a document called a DNR. You know what that means, don't you?" he asked.

All the air left my lungs in one swift movement as I processed in what he was saying.

They weren't going to save him.

Charlie was brain dead.

No, Charlie was _dead._

He's gone.

"I understand," I whispered. Alice wrapped her tiny arm around my waist and buried her head in my chest as she sobbed.

"Due to the fact that Bella signed the DNR, we had no choice but to let nature take it's course. So when Charlie went into cardiac arrest moments ago, well…there was nothing we could do. I'm sorry," he stated.

I started to walk slowly toward the waiting area, so that Alice could sit down, when the doctor stopped me again.

"Edward, please understand. Bella did the right thing by Charlie. You know as well as I do that he wouldn't want to be hooked to all these tubes and machines. Even though Charlie was physically here, his mind was gone. He would have never recovered. I'm sure it was one of the hardest things Bella's ever had to do."

"I know. I understand," I said softly.

* * *

I had asked the hospital staff to take Charlie to the morgue so that Bella wouldn't have to see him when she woke up. I still didn't know what she would be like, or if she would even speak to me. I knew when she did wake up that I'd do everything I could to help her. I owed Charlie, my best friend, that much. I'd deal with my thoughts later. My only concern was Bella.

I walked over to Charlie's bed before they came in to take him away. The sight of him lying there would be ingrained in my memory for the rest of my life. I knew at that moment that I made the right decision to get him out of here before Bella woke up. I didn't want the memory burned into her head as well.

I reached out with shaky hands to touch him, my fingertips slightly grazing his forearm. He was still warm to the touch and I stood there with my hand on his arm for what seemed like hours. I finally took a deep breath, grabbed the stool next to his bed, and sat down. There were so many things I wanted to say but I could hardly find the words.

"Charlie," I managed to choke out, "I…I will…I will take care of her for you, Charlie. I promise. She won't be alone… I know you want her to be happy and…she will be. I'll make sure of it, no matter what."

I bent down and kissed my best friend's forehead and whispered, "I love you, Charlie."

I then turned around and walked out of the hospital room, to let the staff prepare to take him away.

Once they moved Charlie's body out of the hospital room, I slowly walked back over to the bed where Bella laid, still asleep. She slept through everything; I almost couldn't believe it. I climbed back in and wrapped my arms around her fragile body. Alice sat in the chair once again but this time she was talking on her cell phone, crying. Talking to Jasper, I'm sure…though I couldn't bring myself to pay attention. The familiar numbness that consumed me when my parents died was making its reappearance, fogging up my head. I welcomed it, though. It was an old comfort. I didn't want to feel anything, not now. Maybe not ever. I was starting to believe that maybe I was destined to be alone. Hell, everyone I looked up to and counted on had now gone. It seemed to make sense.

I was broken out of my thoughts when I felt Bella take a deep breath. I looked down to see her beautiful eyes flutter open, trying to adjust to the light.

She's waking up. _Oh, god…how do I tell her?_

I grabbed her shoulders, pulling her around to face me. I had to hear her voice.

"Bella, are you all right?" I asked her breathlessly. She nodded her head, eyes locked on mine. That wasn't good enough. I had to hear her.

"Bella, please. I need you to say something to me. Anything…I just need to hear your voice. Can you do that for me?" I begged.

She cleared her throat softly. "I-I'm okay," she said.

"Thank god," I breathed, as I pulled her into my arms again. I wanted to hold her there, in this hospital bed, for as long as humanly fucking possible. I never wanted to let her go. I wanted to protect her from the truth I was about to tell her. I wanted to protect her from all the grief but I knew I couldn't alleviate. Most of all, I just wanted to be near her.

Knowing it was time, I gently whispered to her, "Bella?"

She didn't respond to me. I have been biting back the tears but they threatened to push through the surface and the dam was ready to break.

"Bella, something's happened…" I trailed off as I backed away from her embrace. I looked her over. "Oh, god. I don't even know where to start."

I gathered up what little strength I had left to say the words. "I'm so very sorry, Bella. Charlie, he…"

I stopped myself because I couldn't do it. The moment I felt my chin quiver was all it took to unleash the rainfall of tears that I tried to keep at bay. I sat there crying, my head in my hands. I tried to get it together. She needed me to be stronger than this. I just needed a second.

She surprised the shit out of me by what she said next.

"Shh, Edward," she said, gripping me into her arms tightly. "I know," she whispered.

"I know…he's gone."

* * *

We lay there, in the hospital bed for what seemed like hours, just holding each other. It felt more like she was comforting me instead of the other way around. I cried and blubbered like a baby. I had snot bubbles and hiccups. That's right, Deputy Edward Anthony Cullen actually fucking cried, in Bella's arms. I wasn't ashamed of it either. I don't even remember crying after mom and dad died. What the hell did that mean?

After a few minutes, Bella began to cry as well. I felt the warm tears soaking my chest through my shirt. I knew that she was trying to be strong and not cry, but fuck, Charlie died. He fucking died. It's not possible. He was going to be okay. He was always the strong one. We had fucking _plans_. There was so much we wanted to do. We'd planned a big fishing trip for next summer. We were going to barbecue on the Fourth of July. All the things that we talked about kept running through my brain. Now they would always be the things that I never got to do with my best friend. I still couldn't believe it.

Then there was Bella. My god, she had already been through so damned much. How much more could a person take? I was so fucking scared for her. I was at a loss. I didn't know what to do. Everything happened so fast, it's just unreal to even think about it. From now on nothing would ever be the same again.

We lay in each other's arms until I noticed the sun going down. The red and orange rays cast shadows across the room. It was beautiful. This room would forever hold two very powerful and distinct memories.

This is the room where I had met an angel, and lost my best friend forever.

* * *

To most people, today was an ordinary day in the town of Forks, Washington. Overcast, with the threat of rain looming under every cloud. The cold and dreary wind cut through your skin like steel knives. It was a day like so many countless others I've seen in this town. Passing through on the way home, I saw the familiar faces that I have all seen in my six years here. They were busy hurrying off to the drug store or market, picking their kids up from school, or rushing to get to work on time.

Yes, it was an ordinary day.

Except that for me, today was the day that my best and dearest friend, Charlie Swan, would be laid to rest.

Today was the worst of day, for me. I would be serving as pallbearer along with some of the other guys from the station. Some of the guys all glamored to have the chance to show respect and be carriers with me. I thought it was funny when they started telling stories of Charlie like they really knew who he was. They only knew him as the brass, the boss.

No one knew the man like I did.

No one here would know how he secretly liked hazelnut-flavored creamer in his coffee or how his upper lip would twitch when he knew a suspect was lying. They'd never know how he really didn't like crowds, or how he could never start watching the Mariner's game on the flat screen without a Vitamin R, a bag of peanuts and occasionally a Marlboro.

There was only one other person who even came close to knowing the real Charlie Swan.

Bella.

The days since Charlie died have been a blur. Bella very reluctantly let me handle most of the arrangements for the funeral. I wanted to do anything I could to help her and I knew Charlie would want me to. As it turns out, Charlie's daughter is pretty fucking amazing. Something that I already pretty much suspected. She took everything in stride, much better than I thought she would, judging from her near catatonic state in the hospital.

She decided she wanted to stay at Charlie's while she was here, which I thought was a bad fucking idea at first. I didn't want her to be alone with all of Charlie's things surrounding her. She insisted on it. She said she was okay and that she felt closer to him there. I'd never been more fucking glad to be next door though, so I could look in on her.

Without her knowing, of course. It was kind of stalkerish, but Charlie wouldn't have minded.

The night Charlie died was when I got my bright idea to discreetly look in on Bella. We parted ways at the hospital, against several protests on my part. I didn't want to leave her. I didn't want that vacant look in her eyes to return again under any fucking circumstances. Bella said she just wanted to be alone, so after thirty minutes of trying to convince her that she didn't have to be, I relented. I got into my car and started home, thinking about all that had transpired in the last couple days. I was not looking forward to coming home to an empty house. It's times like these when my mind really started to imagine some fucked up shit and I was not looking forward to it.

I pulled into my driveway and cut the ignition. I sat still there for a minute, thinking. Looking back on the time that I'd spent with Bella, it seemed like she kept me from falling apart and from retreating back into myself again. Although we were grieving, I felt at peace with her in my arms. She had no way of knowing that I needed her just as much as she needed me.

Now faced with spending the night alone, I started to panic a little bit. Then it occurred to me that maybe I could keep an eye on her without her knowing. It would ease my frame of mind and I wouldn't feel like such a pussy for not wanting to be alone. I went in the house and dropped my keys and wallet on the table by the front door. I took off my gun belt along with my badge and put them in the safe. Then I walked out the front door, fully intending on breaking the law_._ This was so wrong on many levels but I was a desperate man in need of desperate measures.

I felt like such a creepy ass stalker but I couldn't help it. I wasn't in a good place and I just wanted her to be okay. I had it all planned out. I would just look through the living room window for a little bit - make sure she looked okay - and go back home. It was a well thought out plan, if I did say so myself.

Until I got busted.

_Some fucking cop I am… I can't even stakeout a motherfucking house without getting caught._

I was leaning against her window on the side of the house, watching her as she was sitting on Charlie's couch. She had the TV on but I could tell she wasn't paying attention to it. She was going through an old photo album; I remember it being the one from one of our fishing trips we'd taken a few summers ago. Alice had made up the album for us.

Then, she suddenly closed the album, got up and went toward the back of the house. I didn't think anything of it, figuring that maybe she had to go to the bathroom really quick or some shit girls do.

That was until I heard the frantic rustling of footsteps near where I was standing outside. I turned my head only to look straight into the barrel of a 9mm.

_Charlie's service weapon._

I have to give it to the girl; what she lacked in stealth, she gained in fierceness, because before she recognized me, the look on her face was intimidating…even to me.

_Yep, that's Charlie's daughter, all right._

"Leave me the fuck alone!" she seethed. Hearing the word _fuck_ come out of that pretty little mouth of hers did things to me, things that were highly fucking inappropriate for the situation I was facing. The darkness cast a shadow so that she couldn't see my face right away. I figured I'd better speak up before I got my head blown off by the little lioness.

"Bella, it's me," I said, holding my hands up.

"Wh-what?" she asked, clearly confused. I stepped in to the light coming through the window. Recognition dawned on her face pretty quickly as she widened her eyes.

"Oh my god, Edward," she breathed, letting out a sigh of relief. She lowered the weapon to her side and her shoulders relaxed. I felt a little bit safer but I wasn't sure if she even knew how to use that thing, so I stretched my hand out to retrieve the gun.

"Here, let me have that, before you shoot yourself in the foot," I chuckled.

She slowly handed me the gun, wearing the cutest damn expression on her face. "I know how to use it, you know," she quipped. Then she smiled at me, really fucking smiled. It reached her eyes, making them sparkle in the dim light.

"Oh, I'm sure you do. I can't see Charlie letting you get past your teens without showing you how to defend yourself," I added, as I took the gun slowly from her tiny hand. Then I instantly regretted it, because that smile that lit up her face was suddenly gone. What was left was eating away at me. She tried to force a little grin at me, but I could tell her heart wasn't in it.

_Fucking idiot, Cullen._

She took a deep breath, pointing toward her front door, "So, would you like to come inside, or are you content with stalking me through my window?" she joked. I wasn't expecting that. I laughed. I was beginning to find out that this girl never did what I expected her to do.

I had to try to explain myself, so she didn't think I was some crazed lunatic.

"Listen…I, um. About that, I'm sorry. I know that was extremely rude of me and _illegal_…but I, I just wanted to see if you were okay. I didn't want to intrude," I explained. I must have looked like such a jackass to her.

"It's okay," she said. She turned her head to the side but her eyes were still on me. Then she blushed. The most beautiful color of pink invaded her cheeks and I couldn't help but stare at her.

Damn, this girl is _so fucking cute_.

"Come on in," she said, walking back around to the front door.

Being the creepy ass stalker that I am, not to mention the fact that I had a very hard time denying this girl, I followed her into Charlie's house. She closed and locked the door behind me.

I walked into Charlie's living room like I had a hundred times, but it seemed so foreign to me somehow. Everything was in its rightful place; stack of TV Guides on the coffee table, the plaid blanket hanging off of Charlie's Lazy-Boy, and the flatscreen TV turned to the ESPN channel. It was almost as if this house, these things, could sense the loss. The air was different. Then I caught the scent of Bella. The floral aroma invaded my senses, stronger here than even when I held her in that hospital bed. It smelled like _home_.

While in the hospital, I had convinced myself that the best thing for Bella would be to break away from her and cut my losses before I hurt he or she left me. Now Charlie's death convinced me of one thing; whether I liked it or not, Bella and I were connected. So I had to think long and hard about how I would be there for her, like I promised Charlie, and not open myself up to one big ass fucking heart fail. It would be tough but I had to do it, for Charlie. I could be a friend to this girl, right? What if she draws me to her like a freaking magnet? Or makes me think the most impure thoughts just by the scent of her. My fucking heart palpitated simply by the way she smiled at me.

_Piece of cake_.

"Would you like a beer, Edward?" I heard her ask. I knew I heard her, but I was still so stuck in my thoughts I didn't answer.

"Edward?"

"Um, yeah. Sure, that would be great," I replied. I watched her as she slowly walked to the fridge and got us both a beer. She seemed hesitant about something, like she had something she wanted to ask. I let it go for now because there was one question I'd been dying to know since the hospital.

"Er, Bella? Can I ask you something?" She nodded.

"If you don't want to talk about it, I understand. I was just wondering, how did you know? About Charlie, I mean. How did you know he was gone when you woke up?" I finished. I felt myself beginning to tear up again but I took a deep breath and pushed them back.

She walked over to where I was seated on the couch and handed me my Vitamin R, before she walked over to Charlie's recliner and carefully sat down. She popped the top her beer and took a long swig before she answered.

"You're going to think I'm crazy," she said with a small smile looking down at her feet.

"I doubt it very seriously, Bella. Tell me," I pleaded.

"Well," she started, "I'll tell you but you have to promise not to write me off as a raving lunatic until I'm finished, okay?" she asked. I couldn't help but chuckle at her.

"Deal."

"Okay. I sort of had a dream about him. He told me in the dream that it was time to say goodbye. He got to say everything that he wanted to say to me, I think. I got to hold him for a while and then he…he was gone. The feeling was so strong in the dream, Edward. I can't explain it. It was so real. Even the faceless…" she trailed off.

"The what?" I asked, confused. I wasn't sure I heard that last part right.

"Um, never mind. It's nothing. Anyway, that's how I knew. When I woke up, I saw the look in your eyes, and I just knew that he was really gone."

I finally saw the strong will of Charlie's daughter crumble, as the tears glided slowly down her cheeks. It tore my heart in two to see this girl in pain. I had to do something. Say something. But what the hell could I say?

"Hey, come over here and sit with me for a minute?" I asked. I felt one lonely tear run down my cheek as I scooted over to the end of the couch. I wiped it away with the back of my hand, hopefully before she could see.

She took another deep breath and nodded, as she rose up and glided over to the couch, right next to me. I began to put my arm around her shoulder, while looking into her eyes, asking for permission. She sighed, falling limp into my embrace, and placed her head on my shoulder.

"Bella, I know what you're feeling right now, if it makes you feel any better. You're not alone. Okay? I'm here for you whenever you need to talk. I know we haven't known each other very long at all, but I would really like to be there for you…if you need someone."

She looked up at me, right into my eyes. The way she looked at me was so intense, I thought for a moment that I'd burst into flames. I wanted to look away, for just a second, just to break it…I just couldn't do it.

Then she said, "I think I'd really like that, Edward. Charlie, I mean dad… he was all I had left. Now he's gone and I…" and she began to cry softly, leaning her head back on my shoulder. I pulled her around so I could fully hold her and let her cry. We didn't speak for a long time, due to the fact that the tears I'd tried, again, for so long to hold back now where falling in streams down my face. I just let it go. For the first time, in my whole life it seemed… I let it all go.

We sat on Charlie's couch, with the faint sounds of Sports Center in the background, and grieved our friend and father.

After a little while, I found myself exhausted. I was in this inbetween-land of asleep and awake. Bella's scent was so strong in my head that I felt dizzy. I was pulled out of the haze by the sound of Bella clearing her throat as she started to speak softly.

"Edward?" she asked.

"Hm hmm?" I replied, hazily.

"I only have one condition," she said.

"On what?" I asked.

"On me using you… to lean on, I mean," she whispered.

"Okay," I chuckled. "What condition?"

She looked up at me again, her eyes red and puffy from crying. She was sniffling-she may even have made a mess on my shirt, but I didn't care. In that moment, she looked so run down, so tired, so weary.

She never looked more beautiful.

"If you let me be the same for you," she said. Her tear stained cheeks faded to a light pink instantly. "I know you have your brother and sister, but maybe I could…I don't know, be there for you, too? We could help each other."

_Huh. Her and Alice will get along great._

I sat there for a moment contemplating what she was offering. I knew how selfless the girl was, but for her to offer her friendship at a time when she was suffering so greatly, it made me feel so… unworthy of it.

The simple fact was, I would most likely do anything she fucking asked me to do. She had me wrapped around her little finger and she didn't even know it. I would be damned if I would let her in on that little fact.

"That sounds perfect, Bella," I answered.

* * *

It remained cloudy as we headed to the burial site. The whole town was going to be there, along with fellow officers from neighboring counties, the National Guard Armory, and the mayor. I'd seen all these faces at one point or another in my six years here. It would be kind of surreal to see everyone gathered in the same place. Charlie was a simple guy, but he touched so many people. Everyone he had contact with, I'm sure, had a story to tell. I alone could fill up the next year with stories of our time together.

The ride to the site was very quiet. Bella sat in the passenger seat of my cruiser, looking out the window. She was so beautiful, as usual. Her dark hair was down in waves flowing down to the middle of her back. She had just a little bit of makeup on. She didn't need any though. She was perfect the way she was. She had on a knee-length black dress with a slit up the side that made me choke on my coffee when she got into the car. I could see the skin of her upper thigh before she sat down in the seat and tried to cover it up with the black cardigan she was wearing. That little piece of her creamy white skin made me forget where we were going and what we were doing. I had to shake my head violently to get my shit together before I had to step out of the car with a raging fucking hard on. Which I can tell you would not be damn appropriate for going to her father's funeral.

I couldn't understand why I was having these reactions to her. It was completely involuntary; like some weird erection fairy visited me in my sleep. My body has never reacted to a woman this strongly before. But then again, looking back, I think I had since the first time I touched her. But at the time, I guess I was more concerned with her health and well being to concentrate on how bad I wanted to be consumed by her, to be inside of her, to feel her skin on mine...

_Fuck_, this line of thinking was going to get me in a world of shit.

After a few minutes of deep breaths and recalling Ken Griffey JR's stats for the 2009 season, I began to calm down a bit.

Getting my head back on straight, I started thinking, of Charlie. As I drove through town to get to the gravesite, I just couldn't wrap my mind around what my life was going to be like without Charlie. This was going to be so hard for both of us, but I had to show her that I meant what I said when I told her I'd be there for her. The closer we got to our destination, the more I wondered about what would happen after Charlie's burial. How could I get back to normal? There wouldn't be a "normal" after this. Things wouldn't ever be the same. I would have to go to work without Charlie there, come home to an empty house without Charlie right next door to talk to. It would be a lot different from the comfortable, semi-happy existence I'd grown accustomed to.

I was broken out of my reverie by the sound of Bella sniffling next to me. She was crying softly, but didn't want me to see. I said nothing, only took my right hand off the steering wheel, and reached for hers. She looked up at me for a moment, gave a small smile, and intertwined her fingers with mine. I gave her a reassuring smile back, squeezing her hand. Her hand felt so soft against mine, like fragile silk. My earlier problem thankfully didn't resurface; maybe tears coming from Bella were like kryptonite to my dick.

When we arrived at the gravesite, I parked the car and got out quickly to open the door for Bella. She smiled in thanks as she took my hand again, holding on tightly. We were both clinging to each other, already struggling.

I walked her to the area where people were gathered, silently waiting for the hearse to arrive. Among those were Alice and Emmett, for which I was thankful. I gave them a nod and held Bella closer to my side as I walked over to them. At least she wouldn't be alone while I participated in the ceremony.

I think Bella recognized her from the hospital, but I couldn't be sure. She was so out of it at the time.

"Bella, I'd like you to meet my sister Alice, and my brother, Emmett," I whispered, letting go of her hand.

Alice immediately grabbed Bella, pulling her into a tight hug. "Oh Bella. It's so nice to finally meet you. I'm sorry it's under such terrible circumstances. If you need anything, and I mean anything, please let me know," she cried.

"Thank you," Bella replied.

Alice then stepped aside as Emmett pulled Bella into a bear hug, lifting her off the ground. He didn't know his own strength sometimes. Bella's eyes bugged out of her head at Emmett's sudden outburst.

He realized quickly and set her down gently. "Sorry," he laughed softly. "Hi, Bella."

She gave Emmett a bright smile, blushing again. "It's okay. It's nice to meet you, Emmett," she said.

"You too, Bella. Listen, we all loved Charlie, so if you need us for anything, we'll be here. He'd want us to look after you."

Bella nodded her head, looking down to her feet. I swiftly took her hand again and gave it a tight squeeze.

I didn't want to leave her side; hell, I didn't want to go through with this ceremony. At least she has my siblings standing beside her. That would have to do until after this was over.

The hearse came into view, along with the rest of the motorcade that followed, and I knew it was time to join my fellow officers for the ceremony.

"Bella, I have to go now. The ceremony's starting in a minute," I said, unconsciously leaning toward her. "You're going to be okay? Emmett and Alice will stay with you." I rubbed my hands up and down her arms.

"It's okay. I'll be okay," she said nodding. I smiled weakly and turned to walk away.

"Edward?"

I looked back. "Yeah?"

"You'll be alright, won't you?" she asked, the worry in her eyes apparent.

I closed the space between us and pulled her to me, wrapping her in my arms again. "I'll be okay, Bella. Don't worry about me. Promise me you won't."

"Okay, Edward," she replied.

I released her with a sympathetic smile, while I gathered Emmett's attention with my eyes. He caught my gaze, and followed me half way to where the other officers were standing in a line on each side of the plot where Charlie would be laid to rest.

"Emmett…please, take care of her for me. This ceremony's really going to tear her up. She's… she's important." The understanding washed over his face and he pursed his lips.

"I will, little brother. I promise. We'll see you when it's over," he said, shaking my hand.

The ceremony began, and it was all a blur to me. I was lost between my fond memories of my best friend and watching his daughter. The bagpipes played a moving arrangement of Amazing Grace as we stood outside the back of the hearse. We picked up the casket, marching to the beat of the drum, and carried him over to the plot. The pristine American Flag that covered the casket was folded by my fellow brothers, and handed off to me.

I marched over to where the beautiful daughter of my best friend stood, tears streaming down her face. I stood in front of her, barely keeping it together, as I bent down and handed her the folded flag. She reached out with shaking hands as she accepted the token, meeting my eyes. I almost lost it when she cried out, practically falling limp into Emmett's strong arms. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, as they fell steadily down my face.

I raised my right hand to salute her.

The sight of her, falling apart in my brother's arms… it was killing me. My arms twitched to reach out to her. I just had to hold on a little while longer.

I turned and marched back beside my brothers, as they prepared for the twenty-one gun salute. The sound of TAPS playing in the background gave the air a somber feeling. I looked out of the corner of my eye at Bella. She cried out again, but this time I could've sworn I heard her cry out my name.

At that moment, I didn't care about the ceremony, or holding on a little while longer, or my fellow officers who depended on me- any of it.

I had to get to her, now.

Our eyes locked, as she turned out of Emmett's embrace and began to walk in my direction. On shaky limbs, she and I crossed the distance between each other.

I couldn't get there fast enough.

All that mattered in that moment was holding her, making it go away. Making all of it go away. I would do anything to make it better for her.

As soon as we were within an arm's reach, we collided into each other, falling into each other's arms. I could vaguely hear the gasps coming from the people standing all around us, but I didn't give a shit. I should have kept formation with my other men, but I just couldn't fight the pull I had to get to Bella. Bella held on to me so tightly, it was like she thought I'd disappear if she didn't. I stood there and held her, letting her guttural sobs and cries escape, until she was left only sobbing gently into my chest. I ran my fingers through her soft chocolate hair, then gently capturing her face with my hands to bring her gaze to mine.

"Let's go, Bella," I said, so softly I didn't think she heard me.

"I don't think I can make it."

"I'll help you," I promised.

After a minute, she nodded in agreement. I placed one arm under her shoulder, and bent down to place my other arm under the back of her knees, and lifted her up. I clutched her to my chest as she laid her head on my shoulder. I carried her to the car, opened the door, and placed her gently inside.

I got in the car, started it up, and slowly drove away from the last place we'd ever see Charlie Swan.

It was only a few minutes of silence before I heard Bella clear her throat again, and begin to speak.

"Thank you, Edward," she simply replied.

"Any time," I answered.

"Edward?"

"Hmm-hmm?"

"What are we going to do now?" she asked me. Her voice was still ragged, tired. Weak.

I thought about it for a minute before I answered. Immediately, I smiled to myself because Charlie would have done the same thing if he were me, today.

"Bella… tonight, we drink. To Charlie." I turned to look at her; she had an expression that I couldn't make out.

"We drink?" she asked.

I nodded. "We drink. Everything else can wait until tomorrow."

"Okay," she replied, chuckling. "Tonight, we drink… to Charlie."

She smiled a little smile at me, as I drove us home to celebrate Charlie's life, in the best way we knew how.

**Oh, my goodness…drinking + heartfail always = disaster! I hope these two crazy kids know what they're doing…**

**Oh, and if you're on Twitter, follow me! www(dot)twitter(dot)com/akeimCMT**

**Be forewarned though…it gets pretty vulgar in my neck of the woods. ;)**

**Reviews make Deputyward get drunk & strip. Just sayin.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: If you're reading this, it means that you haven't given up on me, or Deputyward… and you don't know how much I appreciate it. To all you guys that have read, reviewed, and alerted this fic, big hugs to you. I don't have to tell you guys how bad RL can get in the way of writing, so I won't get into it now. But thank you.**

**As always, big thanks go to my Beta, larin20. She really is amazing, ya'll. **

**Also, thanks to my FF bestie, Kimbercullen, for helping me through the last bit of this chap. It was a rough one for me, so thanks. Love you bunches! **

**And on a personal note, I want to say thanks to all the BFFF'ers who have been there for me the past few months, making me laugh and keeping me sane. You all are so fucking cool, I don't even know why you let me hang out with you guys. A special thanks to Auroraluna1, aka Lei Lei, for being that proverbial shoulder to cry on. You are the best, suga, and I love you better than chocolate. :)**

**And I don't own Twilight or any of the characters… duh. I wish. **

**On with it.

* * *

**

**BPOV**

My mind was reeling as Edward put me in the car.

I knew the service was going to be difficult, but I had no idea that I would react the way that I did. My emotions were understandably all over the place, and I had to take deep breaths, in order to stay lucid enough to keep it together. But I felt like I was drowning, falling deeper into the depths, with nothing to keep me afloat.

When I stood there in the ceremony, waiting to accept the folded flag from Edward, all I could think was, _he's gone. My father's really gone. _

And I lost it.

I couldn't think… the pain of losing Charlie was taking over, and I couldn't think of a way to get a grip. I couldn't do it alone. I couldn't face it alone. So I called out his name, the one person who I felt was going through just as much pain as I was.

"Edward," I choked, over the ever-present lump in my throat, making my voice sound gargled and strained.

And then it happened. We locked gazes with each other, and it was like I couldn't reach him fast enough. I needed to feel comfort; I needed to feel something besides this pain in my heart that I couldn't get away from. When we finally reached each other, I collapsed in his strong arms, the scent of him enveloping me, and I instantly found the comfort I had been aching for. I didn't know what was happening, why I felt this strong connection to Edward, but it was real. It was there, right in front of me, and I welcomed it without question.

The ride home was quiet. I thought about Charlie, about the fact that both my parents were gone, and I had the rest of my life to be without them. I thought about all the things in life that they would miss; my wedding, kids, grandkids, and graduations. It all seemed so unfair. I had no one left in this life to really support and be there for me.

Then I thought about the man driving me home. Edward. It was strange, from the moment we met, I felt like I could tell him anything. I also had this trust in him that I usually didn't have with men. I thought maybe it was because he was so close to Charlie, but then I really thought about it, it wasn't just Charlie at all, it was something deeper. The pull, the unrestricted force, that pushed us together, was much stronger then I could ever imagine. In the first moments that I was in his presence, the burning in my chest overwhelmed me. I had never felt that before, and for once I wasn't scared to embrace it. All the friendships in my life were few and far between, and it took a lot to get me to trust someone enough to open up to them. It took me months to open up to my last boyfriend, and I knew him for years. But it wasn't that way with Edward. He seemed so vulnerable, but strong at the same time. So fragile, but yet enduring. He was so intriguing to me. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I felt better when he was around. I felt secure, safe, protected.

Warm, very warm. Especially, when he touched me. The warmth traveled up my bones.

It was.... _not a bad feeling_, I thought.

We pulled up to the house and sat there for a few more moments. I was so drained, I wasn't sure if I could even walk up the front steps. I looked out the window of the car to the house, and it felt like a million miles away. I mentally counted how many steps it would actually take to the door, judged it way too many, and opted to sleep right where I sat. I lazily closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around my midsection. Then I heard Edward clear his throat, and he began to speak softly.

"I think we should do this at my place," he said.

"Okay," I replied, without second-guessing. Charlie's house wasn't going to be the best place for me right now. If I knew I couldn't manage to remove myself from the car, how was I going to make it a whole night alone? Edward seemed to know exactly how I was feeling before even I realized it. When I spoke, I barely recognized my own voice, it was gravelly and raw- from crying, I guessed.

He got out of the car slowly, never taking his eyes off of mine, as he rounded the front of the vehicle toward my passenger door.

"Thank you, Edward," I whispered, looking up at him after he opened my door.

He nodded, and took my hand as we walked up to his front door. I counted the steps as we walked. Twenty-eight. It seemed a lot longer back at the car, I thought. With Edward's hand holding mine, I almost felt like I flew from the curb to the door. He glided so easlily, never faltering in stride. The miles and miles I dreaded sitting in the car, melted into inches and inches. I kind of wished the journey were longer. I really liked him holding my hand.

"So...what will it be?" Edward asked with a gleam in his eye.

"I smiled, "As long as it's wet and alcoholic, I don't care."

"You're in luck," Edward said, as he opened the door and let me pass before him. "I have both."

I was never much of a drinker, but in this case, I would definitely make an exception. Tonight, I wanted to be drunk… very, very drunk. The kind of drunk where you blackout. No memories, no worries for just one night. Yeah, that kind of drunk. I wanted to feel the numbness course through my veins. I wanted to feel… well… I wanted to feel nothing, if only for a few hours. I had the rest of my life to mourn Charlie.

I deserved to feel numb for one night.

* * *

Southern Comfort is about the only whiskey I can tolerate. Jim Beam and Jack Daniels are not friends of mine, since my early days of "experimenting" with alcohol in high school and college, and trust me…neither tasted as good coming back up. I didn't imagine many people up north drank it. I didn't know why I thought that, maybe because it was all in the name. So I was surprised when Edward took a bottle of Southern Comfort out of his kitchen cabinet. It was such a strange coincidence. I had to ask him about it.

"So…um, Edward," I called from the living room. I made myself comfortable on his black leather sofa. I couldn't help but think to myself, _how "bachelor pad" of him_, to have a leather couch.

"Yeah," he shouted back from the kitchen, after he closed the cabinet. I could see from where I was sitting, Edward also had a bottle of Cazadores Reposada Tequila sitting on the counter. He poured himself a shot.

"You drink Southern Comfort?" I asked.

"Um, well… Jasper - that's Alice's fiancé, he's from Texas - got me hooked on SoCo. Apparently it's in their blood or something," he laughed.

I sighed with a timid smile. He had a cute laugh.

"But, once I tried it, I kind of liked it. Now, it's grown on me, so I keep some around for whenever Jazz comes over." Edward took out the cranberry juice from the fridge and mixed my drink.

For the first time today, when I looked at Edward's face, he looked happy. I thought about the way his eyes lit up when he talked about his friend and sister, and I could tell right away how much he cared for them. There was a light in his eyes that you couldn't see all the time, like he was almost masking it. It was nice to see that, for a change.

Edward brought the shot of tequila up to his mouth and tossed it back, skipping the salt and lemon. He picked up my drink and made his way in to the living room, beer in hand. He handed me my Southern Comfort and cranberry juice, then sat on the lazy-boy recliner, giving me space, while I remained on the couch.

We both looked at each other, sipping our drinks silently.

"So," I started, not really knowing what to say.

I wasn't nervous at all- it was just that way with Edward- but I was scared to death of making an ass out of myself. I wanted him to… well, I really wanted him to like me. If he was going to be my "person", I wanted him to like spending time with me, and not just out of obligation to Charlie.

"What are you going to do now, Edward?" I asked.

He took another swig of his beer, before he began to speak. I noticed how his Adam's apple moved when he swallowed, and the way he licked his lips after he took each sip. Not to mention the way he delicately played with the label on his beer bottle with his fingers.

_Damn_.

"Well," he said, "I'm not sure. It's going to be really difficult without your dad there at the station, but I can't abandon the rest of the guys. We've all come to count on each other through all this. And besides… I'm going to get to the bottom of it," he finished, the conviction clear in his voice.

"Get to the bottom of what?" I asked, confused.

"Bella," he said resolutely. "I'm going to find out who did this to your father. It would be the greatest injustice if I didn't even try. And I know that if it were me, your father wouldn't stop until justice was served, and the parties responsible were behind bars where they belonged."

With this entire situation happening so fast, I didn't even think about the investigation that would take place to find Charlie's killer. But I also didn't think Edward would be involved. It was dangerous work and I felt suddenly scared for him. If something happened to Edward… I didn't even want to think about that.

"Edward, don't you think you should let someone else handle this? I mean, you were so close to Charlie. It's not like you can be objective," I pleaded.

"I _have_ to, Bella. We may not exactly be 'impartial', but it just seems right that one of us should lead the investigation. The guys and I are going to work day and night until we find the scum that took my best friend away from me."

I slowly nodded, realizing quickly that once Edward Cullen made up his mind about something, there was hardly anything anyone could do to stop that.

"Well what about you, Bella? What are you going to do now?" he asked, looking me right in the eyes. It was strange, the look he had on his face… like he was pleading with me silently for something, but I didn't know what.

"I don't know," I said, fumbling with the hem on my shirt. It was a nervous habit I picked up years ago, while sitting in countless hospital waiting rooms with my mother. "I think I want to finish up my degree, but I'm not sure if writing's still what I want to do now," I whispered.

"Why not?" he asked. "Charlie was always so proud of your writing. He said you were going to write the next great American novel," he grinned.

"I know," I said, still looking at my lap, though I could feel Edward's eyes on me. "I'm just not as confident as I used to be, I guess. And I feel like there are so many other things in the world that are way more important that I could be doing, you know?"

"Like what," he chuckled, "being a cop? Not that I don't think you'd be a great one, but your father would choke me from the grave if I let that happen," he smiled.

"No, Edward," I said sarcastically, "I'm not planning on joining the force anytime soon. But I was thinking about something earlier today," I paused, not really sure how Edward would react. I shook my head, "Nevermind, it's stupid," I whispered.

"What is it, Bella?" he asked, leaning forward in his chair. "You know you can tell me anything, right? I'm here and I won't judge you," he said.

"Well, I thought about the private sector. I'm just a civilian, but I know more about police work than most police officers, especially when it comes to the investigations. Charlie taught me a lot. So, maybe I could, I don't know, be a private investigator or something. And not just like those on TV who spy on cheating spouses, but like working with the police to solve crimes. There are things that I could do that protocol won't allow someone like you to do." I stopped and looked more closely at Edward, trying to gauge his reaction. His face was blank. Edward didn't say anything, only stared me. I hesitated before I continued, feeling very self-conscious. "I don't know, I was just thinking. It's stupid," I said, embarrassed. I couldn't believe I just spilled my guts like that, and only after one drink.

_How much alcohol was in this sucker? _Apparently, any amounts of alcohol went straight to my brain, permanently erasing my verbal filter.

Edward crossed over the space of the living room to sit by me on the couch. Just like a breeze of warmth, his scent enveloped me again, and I felt calmer. More peaceful. It was getting really strange how this man had that kind of effect on me.

He took the drink out of my hand, setting it on the wooden coffee table. Then with the most intense look in his golden eyes, he took my small hands and squeezed.

"Bella, nothing that comes out of your mouth would ever sound stupid to me," he said softly.

I tried to ignore that ping of electricity that I felt whenever we were this close to each other, but it was so strong- I just knew he felt it too.

"I wish you could see how much the light in your eyes brightened when you talked about that," he said, looking deep into my eyes. Chocolate, meeting caramel. I felt a shiver flow throughout my entire body, giving me chills. "If that's something that you want to do, then I say go for it! Charlie… he'd be proud of you if you drove a garbage truck, for Christ's sake," he laughed.

I couldn't help but laugh too. He was right. Charlie always wanted me to do what made me happy, no matter what it was. I smiled at Edward, silently thanking him, and he returned the smile, nodding his head and releasing my hand.

"Well, enough about all this serious talk. Let's give it a rest for tonight, okay? We have plenty of time to iron out the future," he said, pulling me up from the couch. "How about some music?" he inquired. He seemed really interested in my opinion. It was nice.

We walked over to his entertainment center, which housed about a million CD's and DVD's, that I noticed where carefully organized into alphabetical order. He must've been really fond of his collection, I thought.

"What would you like to listen to?" he asked, leading the way to the bookcase.

I walked over to the extensive collection, already having one song in mind that I knew I wanted to hear tonight.

I ran my fingers through the discs, searching for it. It was my favorite song growing up… Charlie must've sung it to me a million times.

And something told me that Edward would have it.

After a few minutes of searching, I found what I was looking for, along with two others, and pulled it from the shelf, handing it to Edward.

"Nice choice, Swan," he said formally. I chuckled.

He put the discs into the CD changer and I breathed a sigh of relief. Even after all that Edward and I'd been through today, I couldn't help but feel a little relief… like things were going to turn out okay. He pushed play, and the opening guitar melody invaded my senses, and I relaxed.

It was time to dance.

**EPOV**

I could tell from the very first song that Bella picked out, that this was going to be an interesting night. And here, I was so worried that the only thing we'd have in common musically was, well… nothing.

"What would you like to listen to?" I asked nervously, as I pointed the way to my CD collection. For a reason I couldn't really explain, I was terrified that she would take one look at my CD's and run for the fucking hills. Not that I had weird taste or anything, but I wanted her to like the stuff that I did. I wanted her to like _me_. And what if she took one look at my alphabetized-by-genre-and-by-name collection and realized what a fucked up, neurotic freak I was?

She walked over to the bookcase, running her tiny fingers across the titles, nodding at the ones she recognized.

So far, so good.

She stood there, browsing, for a few minutes. One by one, and very carefully, she picked out three CD's, and handed them to me. I snuck a peek as I put them in the changer and I was surprised at what she picked out. Although they were three very different selections, they complimented each other. If music gives you any insight into someone's personality, then Bella Swan remained an enigma to be discovered, a puzzle to be solved. It just made me want to know even more about her.

We listened to the music and made small talk, as I made metal notes on the subjects of interest that made her face light up. She looked me right in the eyes as she spoke with such a fire in her. I couldn't help but be enamored. As the time went by, and one drink turned into two, then three, then four… Bella became more relaxed, laughed a bit more, and I could tell that we were both feeling pretty fucking good. I wasn't complaining, though. I felt content, for a brief moment. I didn't have to think about anything except for what music to play next, and the beautiful girl keeping me company, sprawling lazily on my leather couch.

As the beginning to my favorite Van Morrison song began to play, I took a big swig of my beer, feeling particularly fucking buzzed at this point. I remember thinking that this was my favorite song; it just always stood out to me. I hadn't overlooked the irony that it was a song about a brown-eyed girl. My present company may have influenced my opinion a little.

_Okay, a lot._

Just as I was about to sit back in my comfy chair, Bella grabbed the drink from my hand, put it on my coffee table, and grabbed my hand, attempting to pull me up. She couldn't move me, but it was fun to see her trying. She was so interesting, from the second the song began to play; it was like I was looking at a younger, happier version of Bella. The tragedy of the last few days disappeared, and she looked so alive and vibrant. She was radiating this aura about her, like she could've lit up this entire dreary-ass town with that smile of hers.

Damn, she was so beautiful.

"Come on Edward, let's dance. It's my favorite," she said happily.

_Oh shit. _

_She wants to dance._

_With me._

I neglected to tell her earlier what a fucking disaster I am on anything resembling a dance floor. I wasn't expecting to dance with the girl, only sit back and have a few drinks with her. Now my mind was scrambling to find a way to get out of it. _Fast_.

I'm going to look like the world's biggest fucking moron.

"I can't dance, Bella," I said, embarrassed. I'd always had two left feet when it came to dancing, but especially after all the alcohol I'd managed to consume in the last four hours.

"Come on, Edward… it'll be fine. It's just us."

"Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you," I chuckled.

She took my hand, and that thing - that spark- ignited again the moment our hands touched. I looked into her eyes, just to see if I wasn't crazy. To see if she could feel it too. She _had_ to have felt that.

The look in her eyes, even with the alcohol-induced haze, gave me my answer.

I tried my fucking best to keep what shred of dignity I had left, but it was no use. Edward Cullen dancing was probably the equivalent to an epileptic seizure or some shit- Emmett is going to have fun with this little story for decades.

As I attempted to sway my hips in time with hers, I noticed the evil little grin beginning to form on Bella's face.

"Um, Edward… you really can't dance, can you," she laughed.

I just shrugged my shoulders in response. So now, on top of the other list of things I would do for this girl, apparently making a complete ass of myself is one of them.

I looked down at myself, attempting to sway to the beat, and I couldn't help but laugh at my damn self. I really was terrible. Like a male stripper on a bad acid trip. Or like the scene from "Seinfeld"…the one where Elaine tried to dance. Yeah, it was _that_ fucking pitiful.

"Don't worry, Edward. I won't tell a soul," she winked. "And besides… I think it's kind of cute."

I stopped in midsway, as my mind and the rest of my body caught up with what she said. I looked down at her, and that sparkle in her eyes had me stuck in my spot again. It was almost like those stupid chick-flicks, where time stands still for a second, and you're looking into each other's eyes and shit… it scared the fuck out of me. I wondered silently if the guys in these flicks ever died from being freaked out by a girl.

As the song ended and a slow song began to play, I looked at her, asking her permission silently to dance. She nodded slowly as we reached out to each other, instinctively, without a word, until she was inches away from me. Once Bella wrapped her arms around my neck, I hesitantly wrapped mine around her waist, and took a deep breath.

Now this I could handle. I was the most epic of fails when it came to dancing fast, but slow dancing? This I could do, flawlessly. I tightened my grip around her waist, feeling the tiniest bit of exposed skin above her skirt. Her skin was so soft… I suddenly wanted nothing more in that moment to feel every inch of her skin on my fingers.

She slowly nodded her head, eyes all glassy from the alcohol. I wished now that I had kept track of how many drinks she had. I didn't want her to be sick or anything, but hell, I was too far gone myself to think that far ahead.

She wrapped her hands around my neck, her glassy-eyed gaze never leaving mine. She had this look on her face- I couldn't read it, but it was so intense that it made my heart drop into my stomach. It was as if she could see right through me.

And for the fucking life of me… I couldn't look away.

As the song played on, we moved closer and closer to each other, and about a million fucking things ran through my buzzed brain. My mind was all over the place. I thought about Charlie and how different our lives would be without him. I thought about my siblings and how we'd lost another someone in our lives. And I thought about all the events that led me to this moment. But mostly, of course, I thought about this beautiful, strange, funny, intriguing girl; the girl that was now inches from me, holding me. In that moment, there was only a single thing that I couldn't wait one more day, one more _minute_ to do.

I couldn't fight it any longer.

I needed to kiss her.

I stopped dancing and took my hands from around her waist, moving them instinctively up to her face. As I slowly grazed her flushed cheeks with my thumb, I noticed that it seemed like a different color than when she was embarrassed or flustered.

And warm, I felt very warm touching her cheek.

This was different.

Her eyes still bore into to mine with an intensity that almost sent me running out of my own goddamned house, but instead I returned her gaze with one of determination. I had never, ever been intimidated to kiss a girl before. Ever. But Bella had me shaking from the core; I was so scared that maybe I was reading the signs all wrong, that she didn't want me. Hell, I didn't even know if she liked me.

It would only take about three seconds to find out for sure… either she'd kiss me back, or knock the hell out of me.

I decided, for probably the first time ever, to think positive. I figured I could handle the consequences.

I slowly inched closer to her, praying to the drunken gods that I was doing the right thing. I remember feeling the softness of her face. Her breath, warm and sweet from the whiskey, washing over me, as I closed my eyes, terrified, leaning ever closer, until I felt her lips softly touch mine.

The spark that I always felt whenever I was in close proximity to Bella Swan had no comparison to feeling her soft lips on mine. It was like time stood still once again, and everything was right with the world. She was hesitant at first, and I almost pulled away. But then the most miraculous thing happened.

She started to kiss me back.

Her mouth opened slightly, and I felt her warm breath in my mouth, as I slowly grazed my tongue across her top lip. She followed suit, and suddenly I felt her tongue graze mine.

Warm, she was so warm, all over. I felt it everywhere. I slipped my hand under her shirt, just at the part where it raised from her skirt, not sure how far I could take it. The feel of her warm skin on my hand sent pulsating vibrations up my arm. And she moaned in my mouth. Fucking moaned! It overwhelmed me and made my sway where I stood. Bella steadied me with her hands on my hips, which only sparked my over zealous hormones. Her hands squeezed my shirt tight and I felt the tug and pull of the fabric around my waist.

From that moment on, everything was not so clear.

What started out as a buzz-brained decision, on a whim, with no afterthought whatsoever…turned into a flash of tongues and teeth and bodies clashing, hands reaching, and clothes flying. Everywhere.

Our mouths invaded each other's, passionately and frantically reaching. I couldn't get close enough to her. I wanted to feel every inch of her, on every inch of me. I wanted to feel her heat, her heart, and her soul. Everything, in that moment. It's almost as if even being inside her wouldn't be enough. I wanted to devour her, savor every second of this place in time, because we both knew from the last few days, that all too quickly it could end.

For once in my life, I wanted something to _never_ end.

This thing, this feeling I had for her was so strong; and at first I thought it was just a product of the whiskey talking… but looking back now, I see that it was all about her. I tried to fight what I felt for this girl, who was practically a stranger to me… but so familiar in the most significant of ways. And the way our bodies flowed with each other's, it was like we were, literally, _made_ for each other. I had never felt this way in my entire messed up, tragic existence.

And I damned well didn't want to let that feeling go.

But as we stumbled into my bedroom, drunk with passion and still buzzing from the alcohol that was coursing through our veins, something happened. For the first time in the history of mankind, I, a red-blooded member of the male species, had second thoughts about having sex.

_Wait… what the hell?!?! _

I have never, **NEVER** had a second thought about fucking.

Fucking, is like second nature.

Fucking is good.

I sounded like a caveman.

In the past, it's always been a way to forget, a way to feel connected with someone in the most primal of ways. A way to feel something besides the pain and agony of real life. A life where teenagers see their parents murdered in cold blood. A life where nightmares plagued your every thought. For those hours of the night, I didn't have to feel that. I was in control of something. I had control over how it felt to be free. Alive.

But this was altogether different for me. This wasn't about fucking, or even just about me anymore. This was deeper than that, already. I was already connected to Bella, without physically touching her. I was connected to her in a way that I couldn't explain. I couldn't just fuck her. I cared, actually fucking cared, for the girl. She deserved so much more than that.

So when Bella began to take off the last bit of clothing she had on… and my god, she was so fucking beautiful… I froze, like a deer caught in a fucking headlight. She got a curious look on her face, and I could tell she didn't understand what was about to happen. I fucking hated myself for what I was about to do.

"Bella," I whispered.

"Yes, Edward…" she moaned softly, her breath tantalizing my inebriated mind and causing me, for a brief moment, to rethink this sudden burst of chivalry.

"We can't… we shouldn't do this, not now," I said.

"Wait… what?" she screeched, pain in her voice.

"I can't do this to you, Bella. I won't do this. You deserve-"

"Wait. Stop right there, Edward," she slurred. "If you don't want me, then…"

"No! Bella, no," I laughed nervously, looking at her like she was a raving lunatic. How could she think that I don't want her? "That's not it, love. I swear to God, that's not what this is about. Look, I really… I mean… I care about you. I'm supposed to be there for you, not taking advantage of you like this. I just couldn't live with myself if you woke up tomorrow, thinking this was a big mistake."

"But I won't," she pleaded, stepping decisively in my direction.

I took a step back, running a hand through my hair and hoping that the darkness hid the beads of perspiration forming on my forehead. I felt like a bumbling, teenage virgin who'd just lost his fucking nerve mid-foreplay.

"You say that now, but you don't know for sure. I don't know what this is between us, but if it's half as important as I think, we have time. We don't have to jump in to this. You just lost your father, you're not thinking clearly. If, later on, you really want to be with me, there won't be a force on this earth that will be able to stop me from having you. Does that sound okay?" I begged. I silently prayed that she wouldn't hate me for this.

"You're right, Edward… I know that. But I don't want you to be right, dammit. I'm sick of thinking. I don't want to think about anything tonight, I just want to do what I want, for once, without thinking of what someone wants or expects me to do. Why can't we just do that, huh?" she cried, arms flailing. That fire in her eyes almost convinced me to give in to her. And fucking hell, how I wanted her in that moment… her eyes blazing at me, her breathing heavy.

But I just couldn't fucking do it.

I still her movements by grabbing her hands gently, and sat her back down on the edge of my bed.

"Because, Bella… I would never, ever forgive myself if I hurt you. I could never hurt you. I won't. Please understand that, and trust me. Alright?" I pleaded.

She sat there for the longest time, looking me dead in the eyes. Then she slowly nodded her head. "Okay," she whispered.

And I finally let out the breath I was holding.

We sat in awkward silence for what seemed like an eternity, our bodies completely exposed to one another. I couldn't help but feel as if I'd handled things the wrong way, if I allowed things to go too far by allowing myself to give in to my pressing urge to kiss her. I knew what it potentially could lead to, but I didn't want to think about that at the time. In that moment, I just needed her close. And in the process, I'd probably pushed her away. I half expected her to race out the door, and I can't say I would have blamed her.

But she just sat there, silently in the darkness. I'll admit, this reaction scared me more than her running out the door.

Suddenly realizing that she was wearing practically nothing, I slowly rose from the bed, and began gathering Bella's clothes for her. They were haphazardly strewn all over my bedroom like a fucking tornado touched down. I handed them to her with a smile and she took them cautiously. She began to speak as she stood, pulling the shirt over her head.

"Edward?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"I don't want to go home. I don't think I can do it, Edward."

"Bella," I whispered again, as I crossed the room and took her hand softly. "Don't go. Stay with me. I don't want to be alone, either."

After a few moments, she looked up at me with tears in her eyes and whispered, "okay."

And I felt like the biggest prick on the planet for upsetting her like that, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't let her do something she would regret in the morning, even though I had a feeling that it would've been fucking _amazing_. My dick was silently calling me a fucking moron for doing this, but my brain, and my heart, knew it was the right thing.

After I pulled on a pair of pajama pants out of my dresser drawer, I sat back against the headboard of my queen-sized bed, and patted the empty space next to me.

"Come on, Bella. Let's go to bed," I whispered.

"Will you… nevermind. It's stupid," she trailed off.

"What, Bella? What is it?" I asked.

"Could you… you know, hold me tonight? Like you did at the hospital? For some reason, I feel safer when you're close to me," she softly pleaded, like she was afraid I would say no.

She really had no clue what I would do for her. All she had to do was ask.

I reached out to her, pulling her toward the bed. She gave me a lazy smile, as I wrapped my arms around her, and I gently kissed the top of her head. She leaned back and looked at me with such vulnerability, such innocence. It was funny, seeing that lioness from just a few moments ago, tuned into such a different version of her, in just a few minutes.

As we moved to lie down together, I breathed her in, caressing her tenderly. It felt so perfect to have her in my arms, like she was supposed to be there. I prayed silently for morning to take its sweet time to come, so I could savor every second of having this beautiful girl in my arms.

I drifted off to sleep with thoughts of a beautiful brown-eyed girl in my mind, her head on my bare chest, and my arms wrapped tightly around her small frame.

That night, I didn't have one nightmare. Not one.

**Fic rec time! If you are not reading Auroraluna1's first multi-chapter fic, Face The Music… you seriously need to be. It features a lovely Pianoward. Need I say more?!?**

**Now, leave me some love… I've missed hearing from you guys. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: If you're reading this, that means that you haven't given up on me, or my little fic. So thank you. If you left me some love on the last chapter and I didn't respond, I apologize… I'll do better, promise. I posted a little diddy on the BFFF'ers of Fanfic website, explaining what I've been up to, if you're interested. Link is on my profile. This chapter is a little short and sweet, but I wanted to get this out to you the minute I started writing again. Hope you enjoy.**

**Thanks, as always, to my Beta for this fic, larin20. I did go crazy on the commas this time, didn't I?

* * *

**

**BPOV**

My eyes began to flutter open as the sun peeked through the wooden blinds of Edward's bedroom. I was surprised I even knew where I was at that point. I tried to think back to the previous night but my mind was still foggy. My head was pounding, but I was honestly too content to care. I'd got what I wanted, in a sense. I didn't dwell on Charlie's death or wallow in my grief even though I thought I should have. I was thankful for one night I didn't have to. I laid in the company of a familiar yet mysterious man that made me smile, made me forget. Things seemed a bit more tolerable even through my memory was a little hazy. Then suddenly, as I looked over to Edward's sleeping form, fixating on his slow and steady breathing, it hit me.

_Oh my god! What did I do?_

Scenes from last night burst forth in my mind, like I was watching some twisted reality show. Edward's lips on mine, hands everywhere, _clothes_ everywhere. The want I felt for him... the desire. The lust I could see in his eyes as he looked at me. The intangible shock I felt throughout my body when he touched me. And then, the way it grinded to a halt when he denied me.

The heat that rushed to my face at that moment was damn near debilitating, as I shrank away from the heat and warmth of Edward's embrace. Only moments ago you wouldn't have been able to pry me away, but now I felt sick, humiliated, defeated. I wasn't quite sure why my feelings were so hurt by this guy. I mean, it was a drunken accident. Right? People do stupid and humiliating things all the time when they've tied on a few too many. But there was a deeper humiliation in the fact that Edward, this man that had in no uncertain terms come to my rescue - my anchor and protector, didn't want me in that way. Sure, he said things that most men say when they're trying not to hurt your feelings, and that's what I'd decided it was. Just a way to soften the blow, to protect me once again. But this time, it was from myself.

I sat there on the edge of Edward's bed, thinking of what to do next. Do I leave? Stay and face him when he finally wakes? My stomach clenched, making me feel queasy. I could be hungover, but there was a strong urge to run, fast. Maybe I should leave a note. But what would I say? And wouldn't it make it worse to face him later on? As I sat there contemplating, I thought about Charlie. Lord knows I wouldn't have been able to talk to him about my current situation, but it would have been nice to have his calming presence. It made my face even hotter to think about the monster that killed my father, the soulless bastard that took my daddy away. I shook my head and decided to wait until I was truly alone to brood, and grieve, again.

The decision to leave Edward there in bed was an extremely difficult decision for me. But I couldn't see myself being there when he woke, seeing the pity in his eyes when he looked at me. I'd seen enough of that look, and the one thing that my father always tried to instill in me was strength. I seemed to forget that trait lately, understandably. I needed to learn how to be strong all over again, without the security blanket of having my father around constantly provided me. I needed to figure some things out on my own. I didn't know that much about Edward Cullen, but I knew that he had an underlying pain and sadness in him that didn't need my problems to add to his own. He was broken in so many ways, I could tell by his eyes. Although his eyes had a slight twinkle in them last night, from what I remembered, he was still damaged. He didn't need to save me. He shouldn't have had to shield me anymore.

I slowly climbed out of bed, careful not to wake him, and walked quietly over to the desk in the corner. I grabbed a sheet of paper from the legal pad and opened his desk drawer to find a pen. As I opened the drawer it made a slight squeak, which caused Edward to stir a bit, but not wake. I sighed silently in relief and began to write.

I only hoped that I wasn't making a big mistake.

**EPOV**

Day seven of the investigation to find Charlie's killer was much like the previous days. We still didn't have any solid leads, and not a hell of a lot to go on to begin with. There were only a few things we knew for sure. We were looking for a white male, late twenties to early thirties with black hair, according to the two witnesses my colleagues found at the scene. You would think that in this small fucking town, it would be a cinch to find the bastard. But the neighbors of the house to where Charlie was called stated that he must not have been from around here, because none of them recognized him. And worse, an elderly couple, who from the looks of things had never had a domestic dispute in their fucking lives, occupied the address Charlie was called to in the first place. It was like a bad fucking episode of CSI.

Forensics didn't exactly shed any light either. We already knew he was shot at point blank range in the back of the head, and based on the way he was found when the paramedics arrived on the scene, he would've had no chance to pull out his weapon or in any way try to fight. It was a sneak attack. Whomever it was that shot Charlie was waiting there for him, like some kind of sick ass stalker, and struck when he knew he was distracted. There wasn't even so much as a shell casing at the scene. Who ever did this knew what they were doing. It only infuriated me to think that someone targeted my best friend. None of this made any sense at all. If they were targeting Charlie specifically, how did they even know that he would be the one to take that call? If not, did that mean that the bullet was meant for me, or one of the other guys at the station?

The only piece of physical evidence we had, was a single hair found at the scene. It was a dark hair, and it didn't match Charlie or any of the authorized personnel at the scene. We might as well have had a needle, in a big ass haystack.

But the icing on the cake was the fact that it had also been a week since I'd seen Bella face to face. I was kicking myself in the ass for being so stupid with her. Of all the scenarios I played out in my mind about the next morning, I sure as hell didn't count on this one. Even though we hadn't slept together. Well, technically, we did sleep together. Even though we didn't fuck like rabbits that night, the next morning left a bad taste in my mouth. She left. I didn't blame her either. I still felt guilty that I had perpetrated this whole awkward situation, when it could have been avoided.

But I can't say that I regret it. Having Bella Swan in my arms as I went to sleep was, without risking sounding like a pussy, the most beautiful experience of my fucked up life, so far. The mere scent of her, the smoothness of her skin as she lay next to me, the way she held on to me tightly...like she was scared I'd disappear.

It was amazing.

But unfortunately, because God or whoever the fuck is pulling the strings up there hates me, I woke up to a content mind and an empty bed.

Fuck, _fuck_.

I wasn't even sure when she left, but when I realized I was alone in that bed, it felt like I had been punched in the fucking stomach. I shot up out of my bed and went from room to room, hoping that she was in the bathroom, or sprawling out on my couch like she had been last night...but no. She was gone, and I didn't understand why. The only proof that this beautiful girl was even here, was a note on my desk. I picked up the small note, noticing right away her beautiful handwriting, but feeling wretched once I read her simple, yet haunting words.

_**Edward,**_

_**I was wrong. You shouldn't have to pick up the pieces for me. I'm sorry.**_

_**Bella**_

Obviously, something scared Bella. But what? What could have happened while we were asleep to make her run away like this? Usually I was the one to run, running away before things became too personal - too complicated - before I became too involved. But Bella seemed so open, so pure. She wouldn't have anything from her past to make her jaded, make her afraid to be close to someone. All I had were questions about her odd behavior, and no answers.

Thank fuck we exchanged cell numbers the other day, I thought, as I decided to send her a text just to see of she was all right. If she wanted me to leave her alone after that, I would. But I had an obligation to make sure she was okay. I made a promise.

_**Just making sure you are all right. You were gone. **_

**Edward**

I sat there for a minute, my stomach churning at the thought of Bella being upset, or hurt, or feeling like she made a mistake by opening up to me last night. And then I was praying that she didn't think I was some kind of idiot for not using that 'text speak' bullshit that the kids use these days. Emmett always made fun of me, calling me an old fogey for not being 'hip' like him. Add this to the list of things he'll ultimately make fun of me for.

I was silently plotting my future revenge on my adolescent-minded brother, when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket.

_**I'm okay, don't worry. Just needed some time alone. We'll talk soon.**_

_**Bella**_

I breathed a sigh of relief, as I read her message over and over. At least I knew she was all right. But it didn't keep the nagging feeling inside me from easing at all. There was something she wasn't telling me, something that she was hiding. But instead of marching over there and making things worse, I decided to give her some space... for now.

So after a week of trying to find more leads in the case and coming up empty, then coming home to an empty house, my heart felt heavier than ever. The only solace I had was the short texts with Bella, which usually would happen at the end of the night before I went to sleep. Nothing significant- pleasantries, really- but it was something. I wanted to call her. Hell, I wanted to just take my ass over there and knock on her door. But I didn't. I didn't want to pressure her, or make her feel uncomfortable in any way. But something had to give. Now that I'd had a night of dreamless sleep I was aching for her to be in my arms again. In my bed again. It sounded girly of me to say, but I wouldn't even kiss the girl, as long as she let me hold her while she slept. I can't even come up with the right words to describe how that felt, how much that meant to me.

So after the week I'd had of not sleeping, not seeing Bella, and not catching the fucker that killed Charlie, I decided that a run was a good idea. I needed to clear my head, and work off some of this nervous fucking energy that was sure to keep me up all night again. I figured if anyone were to pull me out of this emo fucking state of mind, it was Emmett. When I called him up, he was a little too eager to come running with me, which usually meant that he was up to something. Or he had something to torment me about. Fucking little brothers.

It only took about twenty minutes to hear the booming knock on my front door.

"What's up, big brother?" Emmett hollered as he entered the house.

"Hey," I said quietly.

"What's with the need to run? You got something on your mind? A little brown haired girl, perhaps?" he said with a wink.

"Oh Jesus, Em... give it a rest already," I sighed. He'd been trying to pump me for information all week and I wouldn't budge. I didn't think that Bella would appreciate running my fucking mouth to my family. I knew his heart was in the right place, but it was none of his business.

"Calm down, Edward. I'm just trying to help you man," he said sympathetically. I felt a little bad at that point, but I honestly just didn't want to talk about it.

"Just drop it, Emmett."

"What the hell, Edward? It's been a week since the funeral, and you've been a bigger ass than usual. You better not have done anything to hurt that girl. She's been through enough already," he said.

Wow. Seems like I'm not the only one protective of the brown haired girl.

"I didn't do anything. Nothing happened," I stated finally.

"What does that mean? I know the night of the funeral..." he said, trailing off.

"Look. If you must know, I hadn't seen her since that night. We've texted back and forth but that's it. I'm trying to keep her up to speed on Charlie's case. End of story, man," I huffed.

"Okay, dammit. Spill. What did you do? You haven't seen her in a week. And she lives right next door. What the fuck did you do to piss her off? You better not have fucked that girl. Oh my God! You did! I'll tear your fucking nuts off," he yelled.

And I had fucking had it.

"I didn't fuck her, okay?" I screamed.

Emmett stopped pacing, and looked right at me.

"I didn't fuck her. I wouldn't do that, not to _her_. Things got heated after we had some drinks, but I stopped it. She was upset over Charlie, and I couldn't do that to her. Are you fucking happy now, dammit?"

It was silent for a few moments as Emmett processed what I told him. God, he could be so damn frustrating. But in all fairness, he did deserve to know what happened. I wasn't the only one who loved Charlie, everyone did. And I knew Emmett had taken a liking to Bella from the second he met her that day. Just as Alice had. Just as we all had. He had a vested interest in Bella too, I supposed.

He sighed and plopped down on the couch, and I did the same, as I waited to get reamed for being the dick that I am when it comes to women. Emmett knows me and my track record. It's no secret that I'd done exactly what he was accusing me of before.

Finally, after a complete change in demeanor from Emmett, he looked at me and whispered, "So, you didn't screw her?"

"No."

"So, no Unskinny Bop? No mattress dancing? No naked lambada? No putting the chicken in the oven? No-"

"No, Emmett," I laughed. "None of that."

"Oh," he sighed. I couldn't' help but chuckle at the fact that he could go from being angry when he thought I fucked her, to being sad that I _didn't_ fuck her.

"You ready to go, man?" I asked him, now that he had calmed down.

"Yeah. Let's go, big brother. It's time to show you how inferior you truly are," he chuckled.

I shook my head, and walked out with my little brother, feeling a bit lighter about the situation. It felt good to get things off my chest a little bit. Even though Emmett didn't know the feelings I had for Bella, or how strong a pull I had to her, or the need I felt to just protect her. At least he knew now that she wasn't like other girls.

Not to me.

That night, as I lay down in my empty bed, I had an eerie feeling. Though I tried to put it out of my head, this feeling usually meant that the dreams would be especially haunting.

And that night, I had the worst nightmare yet.

Because not only had I watched my parents die like I had a million times before... but she was there.

Bella was there, in my dream.

And she was dying, too.

It was real. It was all too real as I sat in the back seat of the car and watched. Bella was sitting beside me, laughing at something my mother said. God, my mother would've loved her, I thought. We stopped at that stoplight, the one where it happened. And instead of seeing the blur of a man approaching the car, gun in hand... there was a black haired man. He looked me dead in the eyes as he bent down toward the driver's side window.

He pulled out the gun.

And I screamed.

I screamed and tried to get to Bella, to get to all of them, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I was too slow. The man fired off three rounds, one for each of them, and I could almost smell the blood coming from the inside of the car. I tried to scream for help, but nothing would come out.

And then, at the end... I leaned over to Bella's blood soaked body, the life draining from her dark eyes, as she whispered something to me, softly.

_"Stay here. Stay with me."_

I jolted awake, screaming Bella's name.

It was almost as if I had no control over what I did next.

With sweat pouring from my body, I sprang from the bed, and ran to the desk in the corner of the room where my phone was. I didn't even think, I reacted. Reacted to the nightmare, the fear that it would happen in real life, the fear that I would someday be too late to save her too.

I couldn't lose her as well.

I dialed the number with shaky hands, tears poring down my face. After three rings, she answered.

"Hello?"

"Bella! Thank God! Please, I need you to come over here. I have to know you're okay. I need to _see_ that you're okay. I'm begging. Please, Bella," I cried. I didn't even recognize my own voice.

"Edward?" she shouted, panicked. "Hold on, Edward. I'm coming."

* * *

**A special thanks goes out to all my Twitter gals, for making me laugh, pumping me up, and telling me to just fucking write already. You know who you are. **


End file.
